Drumming. And Keyboarding.

So today we had Stewardship In Life with Kal & Bible Review with Tim in the morning. We talked through the rest of Genesis, it was pretty interesting. After lunch was Keyboarding, which I have been dreading, but thankfully we are taking it strictly from a worship leading perspective, which I'm already familiar with. So mostly chords & stuff. Kim splits the class in half, which means I get a 45 minute break in the afternoon. Love it.

After Keyboarding was worship teams, & Nick came to watch again. I was nervous at first but he sat behind the kit with Kelly & I & talked us through different ways to play the song & was really encouraging. He gave some really good tips too, which totally helped. I'm feeling a bit better about playing as a whole. (If you're wondering who Nick is, look up The Spark on iTunes or Myspace, they are a worship band from LLCC.)

Tomorrow is a free day!! I'm so excited. I get to sleep in & relax & do homework...& hopefully practice too.

Oh, funny story. So tuesday night I locked my keys in my car. Hanging in the ignition. So my dash lights were on. I called my Mom, who overnighted my key to me & I just got it today. Of course my battery is totally dead. So now I get to drive around aimlessly for about a half hour tonight after Larry gets home to jump it. Good times. Sometimes I scare myself with how unobservant I am. Haha.

Okay I'm off to do some Bible reading & relax before homegroup.

EDIT: As an amendment to my last blog, I want to clarify that the 1 Corinthians passage is clear that women should cover their heads AS A SIGN OF AUTHORITY when praying & prophesying IN FRONT of the congregation. It does not say that they should be worn at all times during the church building, & it also does not say that this is a "cultural" practice, meaning it is to be assumed that it still applies to today. Just thought I ought to clear that up.

Head Coverings.

Long day today...started with Exploring Worship, & then Teresa gave us a brief overview of our Worship Leading & Prophetic Worship classes we'll be starting next week. They sound really exciting & scary all at the same time. On one hand, we're going to be learn to hear God's voice so much more clearly--through worship as well as outside of it--but on the other hand, it's really going to push us & challenge us in ways we're not used to. Like memorizing entire chapters of the Bible at a time. And learning to sing out during worship. And going out into the streets & applying His Word in practical ways. I can't wait. After Teresa's Intro we had Songwriting with Kal. Still love that class...it's cool to pick apart songs & realize what components make up a "good" song.

After lunch we had a 3 hour conclusion for V&C on 1 Corinthians 11:2-16. I know you're not all going to actually go look it up so here it is:

²I praise you for remembering me in everything and for holding to the teachings, just as I passed them on to you.

³Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. ⁴Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head. ⁵And every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head—it is just as though her head were shaved. ⁶If a woman does not cover her head, she should have her hair cut off; and if it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut or shaved off, she should cover her head. ⁷A man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. ⁸For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; ⁹neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. ¹⁰For this reason, and because of the angels, the woman ought to have a sign of authority on her head.

¹¹In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. ¹²For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God. ¹³Judge for yourselves: Is it proper for a woman to pray to God with her head uncovered? ¹⁴Does not the very nature of things teach you that if a man has long hair, it is a disgrace to him, ¹⁵but that if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For long hair is given to her as a covering. ¹⁶If anyone wants to be contentious about this, we have no other practice—nor do the churches of God.

Hmm. So there are a lot of things that can be argued there, hey? JL went through each individual verse on why he feels convicted that this should be practiced today. To be honest, I don't think it's that big of a deal...meaning, I don't really understand why every church doesn't do it. It's right there in the Bible, so why not? And it's not even as if "head coverings" refers to putting a paper bag over your head or even having to wear an ugly robe or something. Just tie a cute scarf in your hair when you're leading worship, or wear a hat when you speak in front of the congregation. Big deal. Some argue that this practice is outdated, but if it's in the Bible it's there for SOME reason, & why not abide by it in the event that it's intended to be practiced now? I would love to repeat all the major points that JL made in each verse, but I'm exhausted & I'm sure that would make this blog about a 2 hour read. Main point being, if I'm going to pray out in a sunday meeting from behind my drum kit, I'll do so with a scarf tied in my hair. I don't really see why this section of Scripture is so often overlooked.

I can't wait for thursday. I have a meeting with Kal & Teresa from 11:30-noon & that's ALL for the whole day! I don't have to get up early, or drive anyone anywhere, or anything! Plus I haven't really gotten to talk to either of them one-on-one since I've been here so I'm pretty excited. And then friday is only a half day...this week is going to FLY by.

Letting Go.

Today was...hard. I woke up just not really feeling like going to school, & questioning...well, everything. Before I left the house I prayed that God would speak to me during the worship time. Chris led worship today, & immediately people began praying & singing out about trusting God, & relying fully on Him, & not worrying. And then about 20 minutes in Chris stopped worship & said, "It seems like the Lord is speaking clearly on trust issues to us today...I want you guys to get in groups of 4, & I want you to talk to each other, & if any of you is having an issue trusting God in any area of your life right now, be vulnerable & speak up so we can pray for you." I knew it was me. I knew that God was answering my prayer & speaking TO ME. So I spoke up & Kate & Lydia & others prayed over me...& I felt so at peace. I don't know why I have such a hard time letting go of my life & trusting that God will provide...I guess I'm kind of a control freak & I want things done my way. But after worship ended I knew how to let go, & even though I'm struggling with it I'm taking those first steps.

Worship ended late & Kal bought us donuts & gave us a free hour instead of doing Exploring Worship. JL did the first part of the conclusion of V&C, about the role of men & women in the church. It was interesting to trace back all the way to Adam & Eve. We'll continue in that lesson tomorrow & then I think we'll be wrapping up V&C with a Q&A session with JL. Should be good.

We started a new song in worship teams today...bit of a challenging beat, but I think I'm picking up on it okay...it's fun to play when I can do it right.

I can't believe we've just started the 4th week of school...time is flying by. I can't believe how much I've learned already...I know I will never be the same.

Racine.

Church today was AMAZING. I kind of wish I could go to Racine every week. JL gave the teaching on the Armor of God, & I don't even think I can summarize it all here but I will try. Apparently it's been taught over several weeks & this week was the conclusion with the Sword of the Spirit. He talked about how the scripture says that it is "the word of God," but that he believes that that refers to the LIVING word of God...for example, when Jesus was tempted by the devil. He quoted from Deuteronomy for each response...but how did he readily have exactly the right scriptures (aside from the fact that he's Jesus)? He was knowledgeable in the scriptures & used it at the right moment as living word. For example, like when you read the same verse ten times, but only on the tenth read does it apply to your life. That's because God speaks to you through it! I love that. We are fighting a very real war, & we need to be knowledgeable in the scriptures in order to hear God's voice & use those scriptures in the right times.

After the meeting I went to lunch with Bethany & Heidi. I love them. We had Qdoba (I had never been, it was AWESOME) & Cold Stone, & several laughs. I'm so excited to see what God is going to do in our lives. Bethany & I had a great chat in the car on the way home...she gave me some really good insight to a few things I had never thought of. I think I'm going to be really challenged in the coming weeks...I'm scared...but bring it on.

I've successfully completed all Ear Training & Theory homework all by myself. I rock.

Nothing Tastes Good.

So I think I'm officially sick. Woke up this morning at 6:30am with the worst sore throat of my life. Not even exaggerating on that one, either. I got up to get some water, which didn't help, & went back to bed. And I was thinking, "Okay God, I can't get sick right now...let me go back to sleep & when I wake up again PLEASE let this thing be gone." I woke up again at 10am with no sore throat. I've lost my voice & can't taste anything, but I feel great. Thank God!

Today is cleaning day, & as soon as Kate finishes straightening her hair it will be bathroom cleaning time. Haha. I think we are going to have people over tonight to play Rockband or watch movies or something. Should be good times.

I just realized I never updated on my homegroup...it was good. Not too much to say about it because I didn't know anyone but Stef, but everyone is nice & really welcoming. Big surprise. Haha. I think I will enjoy it.

Tomorrow is church at Racine with Bethany, since Pleasant Prairie isn't meeting. I think everyone else is going to Kenosha, but I've never been to Racine & I think it would be cool to have seen all three. So that's the plan.

Bathroom cleaning time!

Genisis.

Today was a half day, starting with worship (Bethany & I had some great prayer/praise time together...WOW, I love that girl!), & then on to Exploring Worship with Kal. I love his classes. He is crazy. We've been continuing to look at where/when/why/how to praise, & he said something really good today: "Your personality doesn't dictate the way you worship; the Bible does." It's so true! So many people think, oh well I'm not going to sing because I'm a bad singer, I'm not going to clap because that's not my style, I'm going to sit down because I don't feel like standing up, & yet these same people go crazy & cheer & shout & applaud on Super Bowl Sunday? If they can get so excited over a football team, why can't they get that excited about God? The Bible TELLS us to shout to the Lord! The Bible TELLS us to dance & sing! The Bible TELLS us to raise our hands to Him! All of these things are pleasing forms of praise to Him, & they don't even require any effort! The Old Testament priests had to go out & slaughter a spotless lamb twice a day & we can't even get the effort to lift our hands or sing out in praise on sunday mornings during worship time? Come ON! I love Kal's passion on this subject. You should have seen him hopping about complete with hand gestures to emphasize his point. Haha.

After EW, we had Bible Review with Tim. I love his classes too. He's definitely done his research. Today we started in Genesis & talked about Creation. Has anyone ever noticed Genesis 1:2? "Now the Earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters." MAN, that passage gives me chills! What a mental picture...& I'm sure that even the image in my mind doesn't do it justice. "the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters"...He was just EVERYWHERE. I mean, obviously He still is...but that picture of complete stillness, darkness...& God hovering there, over it all. Tim said that he believes this is how God creates still to this day; He hovers there, waiting, & then He speaks & it comes to be. For example, God has chosen us. Even before He hovered over the surface of the deep, He knew us. So we are born, & we go through our lives with the Holy Spirit hovering over us, waiting, but we cannot see it. And then, at just the right time, God SPEAKS, & we see Him, & we understand, & we commit our lives to Him. Wow. How lucky we are that He reveals Himself to us at that time, & then every day after that! All we have to do now is seek Him! It just blows my mind.

After class & a quick lunch with Kate & Becky & Lydia at Taco Bell, I had my lesson. I feel like it went pretty well this time, & John gave me some sheet music for some good warm ups. He taught me a basic swing beat...I hate playing jazz. Haha. It's probably the hardest style of drumming because it has no pattern, rhyme, or reason. It was played & then written. It's not supposed to make sense. I don't like that, I like to know what's going on. I'm not a fan of random...well, in that way. So I have alot to work on this week, but it will be good.

Okay, Kate's not home yet & the basement tv is unoccupied so I think it's time to catch up on Psych.

Self Discipline.

I'm not good at it. V&C was on self discipline today (obviously), taught by Gary. I really enjoy when he teaches. Anyway, it made me realize that I need to practice it more & prioritize a bit better sometimes. I procrastinate alot, & I need to be disciplined & get things done.

We ended V&C about an hour early, so I got some good solid practice time drumming. I was feeling pretty good about playing the song in worship team today, & I could feel a definite improvement from yesterday, but I didn't figure I'd get to play much (if at all) today since Kelly didn't get to play at all yesterday. Just as I figured, she played the entire hour up till the last run-through, when Kal called me up to play. I got up there & I was feeling pretty confident until I looked out & saw Nick (the drummer in the Kenosha church, who's REALLY good) sitting in the second row watching. Now, the good thing about being the drummer is that generally no one notices the drummer, so unless you screw up royally, no one will notice. But drummers watch other drummers. I tried not to focus on him being there--it's bad enough having Kelly in the same room watching, as well as Kal & all the other crazy-good musicians on the school this year, & I hadn't even warmed up. So I counted off & focused on Josh's bass, but I felt myself slipping early into the song & fell out of the beat several times throughout. By the time the end of the song came, I was so frazzled that I didn't even give it a proper ending. Frustrated with myself, I went down to get my shoes from the front row & overheard Nick & Kal talking about how great Kelly was doing & how Nick spent alot of time giving her tips last night. I was feeling so down on myself that I just left straight after school.

I don't know why this has been bothering me so. I've NEVER had an issue with comparing myself with other people, but there are so many multi-talented musicians here who have had tons of experience playing...I'm afraid when we DO split off into worship teams, everyone will be like, "Oh we're stuck with Cara, it's too bad we couldn't have got Kelly instead." Maybe no one is thinking that at all, but I'm feeling pretty discouraged at the mo. I could use your prayers. I don't want to be struggling with this all year but I don't really know how to overcome it either because I've never had this problem before!

I have my lesson tomorrow. Maybe that will help. Or make it worse, depending.

On the bright side, we had our second Music Theory & Ear Training classes today, & I understand it so far alot better than I thought I would. I've learned the basics several times in my life, & I guess it's actually stuck more than I thought. I'm sure it will get more challenging as we go on, but it's encouraging to at least know that I'm not totally back at square one...maybe square two or three. Haha.

Thanks to all have been praying, & that continue to do so...on top of all this I have a majorly sore throat that showed up last night & looks like it's going to hang around. Pray that I don't get sick!

Worship Teams!

Sooooo, we FINALLY started worship teams today! We haven't divided into two yet, Kal just put random people together & then traded us out accordingly. I ended up playing drums the entire hour, which I was glad for because if I had seen Kelly play before me I probably would have gotten nervous & freaked. We only worked on one song the whole time, & it started off pretty rough considering I've never played the song (or actually even heard it played on drums), & I've never played with any of these people (or really any people, for that matter). But towards the end I was starting to get the hang of it...during the last run-through I looked out & saw Matt & Kelly talking about better ways I could play, which was kind of unnerving, but I decided to just focus on what I can play, & if they can play better then they're welcome to when it's their turn. But for the most part everyone was really encouraging. So either that means I did better than they thought I would or I sucked more than they thought I would & they were trying to be nice. Haha.

I have homegroup tonight, which should be fun...I'll probably come back & edit this post tonight if I have time...still have to do my Bible reading for today.

EDIT - This is the song we worked on today, by the way: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cYZfujRW8I

Pick The Green One.

So today we finished up prayer & prophecy over the other students. I was in kind of a strange mood the whole time...for some reason I find myself comparing my abilities to other people here alot. Which I've never done before, & I need to get control of that now before I allow it to bring me down. Whether it's drumming (even people on the school who AREN'T drummers can play better than I can!) or whatever, I just let it bug me. Like today during prayer, I was thinking about how jealous I am of people who get..."visions," for lack of a better word. Like really clear pictures, & meanings for them. I am SO nondescript, coming up with images & things of that nature is definitely not my forte. Bethany was the last to be prayed over, & I really feel like she & I have a deep connection, somehow. Anyway, I was praying for her, & almost as soon as I put my hand on her arm I got this picture in my mind...really blurry, at first, but then it started coming together. I got so excited I had to share it with her...in hindsight I probably should have waited a bit longer to get my thoughts together, but oh well. This is what I saw...first, I saw this weird green vine twisting around something as it grew. Then I realized that the vine was inside of her, & it was wrapping around her heart. At first it looked like protection, but then I saw that it started to squeeze tighter & tighter, restricting her, & I felt really angry. But then, out of nowhere, this flower started to bud & then blossom, & as the flower grew the vine loosened & eventually fell away until all that was left was the flower. I won't go into what I think it meant for her, because it WAS kind of personal, but it was really cool how it came to me. Afterwards she came up to me & thanked me for what I said, which probably actually meant more to me than it did her. It's good to know that I have the ability to do certain things...the only thing preventing me from doing them is my worry that other people can do them better.

Monday.

Man, mondays suck. The weekend is always far too short.

Today we had Exploration of Worship in the morning...I'm really enjoying that class alot. Gives alot of perspective on the purpose of praise. I can't tell you how many times I've just NOT wanted to praise God at all because I'm too tired or have too much on my mind or whatever, but it's good to hear that I'm not the only one with that problem.

We finished up Patterns of Church Life in V&C with JL today, which was good. Only like 8 more sessions to go. Haha. It's been a really good foundational class though, I'm learning alot.

We also started our Songwriting class today...I can already tell this is going to be one of my favorites because we will be spending so much time analyzing current pop culture music (including Skillet!) & studying the structure of the songs, as well as learning how to write our own. Plus Kal teaches this class, & he is such a freak anyway that it keeps things interesting. Haha.

I stayed late after school to do some drumming...worked on some of the warm-ups & I can already tell my arms will be sore tomorrow. I need to practice more.

Sorry this is so short...but I have homework in EW, Songwriting, AND still have to do my daily Bible reading.

Drum Lesson!

School today was pretty uneventful...Exploration of Worship was good, Kal is a freak & it's awesome. JL taught V&C again, today we discussed prophets. Incredibly interesting, I loved how he made the point that with prophets, they were the ones who did the speaking, but God is the one who did the miracles. So cool.

We ended round noon today & then Kelly & I had our drum lessons at a private studio down by the lake. I've been playing a bit at home, but man I'm rusty! Haha. We mostly just discussed our musical backgrounds & what we will be learning this year, & then did a few warm-ups. Nothing too fancy, but it made me realize how weak my left hand is. Gotta work on that this week...need to catch up to Kelly! Ha, she has an advantage because SHE got lessons from Jen's brother Dave. Cheater. ;o)

We should FINALLY get to start worship teams on Tuesday. About freaking time! Third week in! Haha. Along that same vein, can I just say that it is absolutely awesome to start every morning with 45 minutes of worship? I mean, wow. It doesn't matter how tired or annoyed I am that I woke up at 6:30 instead of 6:00 (don't leave your phone at home!), it is so amazing to just get completely lost in awesome, heart-felt worship at the start of the day. And I always find that I'm not sleepy anymore afterwards, & it's so much easier to focus! I've started keeping a notebook with me during morning worship because it is so easy to get caught up in a verse of a song, or something God is speaking to me, or a particular word someone sings out in the moment, but go throughout the day & forget it for later. So I just jot down my thoughts at the time to look back on later & see just what God was revealing to me in that time, & to be able to really take hold of that feeling & apply it to my life. I wrote yesterday about feelings...I had to fight hard to overcome my emotions this morning & just praise God. I had other things on my mind & wasn't in the mood to be praising God, but I remembered what Kal said yesterday & just made up my mind to do it anyway. I didn't get any super amazing revelation or anything, but I certainly felt more at peace after I pushed my emotions off a cliff & focused on Him. This is definitely going to be a day-to-day struggle for me for a little while, but I'm confident I can overcome it.

Weekend is here...off to do some Bible reading so I can stay ahead!

Praise.

Started our Exploration of Worship class today. We're reading through a book called "Exploring Worship" (how appropriate) by Bob Sorge. I'd definitely recommend it. Kal teaches this class, & just 5 pages into the book I'm already loving it. I never thought of "praise" & "worship" as two different things before. Usually the two are confused as one, but they're SO different! So many times I go to church & think, "Oh, well I don't feel like praising God today." But the thing is, PRAISE IS NOT CONTINGENT ON OUR FEELINGS! We can praise God even when we don't feel like it, because it's a one-way street! We are MEANT to praise Him, even if we aren't feeling like it or hearing anything from Him at that moment in time. Praise is about who God is & what He has done. It has nothing to do with us! Basically, praise is a decision. We decide to do it & whether we want to or not, it's something that should be done daily. What a wake-up call to realize that how I feel or the current state of my emotions DOESN'T MATTER. The thing is, we always feel like hypocrites when we praise God when we aren't feeling it because Satan tells us it is so. But wouldn't it make sense that he wouldn't want us to praise God, so he plants these things in our minds? This might not be a revelation to anyone but me, but it's nice to know that I'm not the only emotional basketcase that thought you have to be jumping off the walls shouting about God's grace every sunday morning for praise to be sincere.

And speaking of emotions...Kal made a solid point when saying that praise has nothing to do with our feelings. We're a group of musicians. Emotions tend to run a bit higher with us than normal people. But JL made a great illustration of what emotions should be, which Kal shared with us today, "Emotions are great to have in the backseat of the car, along for the ride, but they should never be driving." I can definitely say I've been letting my emotions drive me for the last...oh...7 years? That I can recall, anyway, I've always been a pretty emotional person. I'm definitely going to be keeping that in check from now on...especially when it comes to praising God every morning during worship. After all, God is always the same; my emotions are not.

After Exploration of Worship we had more V&C with JL concerning present-day apostles & the building of a church. It was definitely interesting. It's quite different than any church I've been to, but I don't think either way is wrong. Some more effective than others maybe, but hey. I could talk for three more paragraphs on this subject but it would just be a bunch of theology & I'm sure I wouldn't explain it the right way & end up talking myself into a circle. We had that class split into two parts, & then concluded round 2:00, which was nice. I came home & took a nap, & now I've just woken up to write this to all you lovely people who read my blog. Haha.

Tomorrow class ends at noon & I have my first drum lesson at 1:30. So excited! I'm glad we haven't ended up starting worship teams yet...it will be good to get a lesson first & work out some of the kinks.

...And The Music Begins.

Today was pretty laid back, as far as school goes. In the morning we did an intro to our Bible class with Tim & Gary. It's going to be a good class, they're both incredibly knowledgeable in the Word.

After that Kal decided to take us to a jazz concert at UW Parkside. I went to jazz concerts all through high school & would have said I really enjoyed jazz music, but after today I realized I never actually liked the music. It was the people I loved that made it enjoyable. Which is kind of irrelevant... Anyway... After the concert we went to the park nearby & had lunch & just relaxed for awhile. Kal laid out the schedule for us for tomorrow & friday, & it looks like we will be starting worship teams tomorrow (FINALLY!), so I'm pretty excited about that. Even though musically I don't think I'm ready at ALL...I start my private lessons at the drum studio on friday, which I am also super excited/nervous about. I'm ready to start getting one-on-one time for sure.

We split off into our Music Theory & Ear Training classes once we got back to school. I'm in Theory/Ear I, but it's still going to kick my butt. I have absolutely ZERO musical background. Even when I played keyboards I didn't read sheet music. I can read drum music, but that doesn't really help me here... Kimmy is teaching Ear & Kal is teaching Theory, so I'm sure it will be fine, they're both great teachers...but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't freaked about these classes. What we will be learning at the end of 9 months is what a Senior in college receiving a bachelor's degree in music would be learning. That in addition to 3-4 hours of music homework at night=INTENSE.

Not much to report today...we didn't have V&C, so nothing super-insightful to speak of.

Prophecy.

I don't even know where to start.

Today we had more prayer in the afternoon. I was praying that I would get to be prayed over today, because I knew we weren't going to have time for everyone...& I've been looking forward to this day since the first meeting of staff & students at our house. They prayed over Dan, Katelyn, & John (& I had more words for John...so cool!), then we took a short break. During the break, a lady I hadn't met yet came over & introduced herself to me as Tracey. She said she was from the Racine church, & asked if I had been prayed over yet. I said no, & she said, "Good. You've been on my heart since the moment I walked into the room." I commented to Kate that I hoped I would be next because I wanted to hear what she had to say, & Kate said, "You're going next. I just know."

So we started up again with a bit of worship, & I had my eyes closed praying that Kate was right & when I opened them I saw Teresa looking right at me & all she said was, "Cara." So I went to the center of the room with all my fellow students & all the elders of the church & Kal & Teresa standing round. Teresa laid one hand on me & almost instantly began to cry. I was a little taken aback by it...nothing had even happened yet. But I closed my eyes & bowed my head & within moments I felt a hand on the top of my head & heard Gary say, "You have come into this year with preconceived ideas of what it would be like. But it will be even BETTER than you imagine. If you could just see what God has planned for you, it would blow your mind." I couldn't believe it, it was like he saw right into my heart, & I just burst into tears. For the next twenty minutes people came forward to pray & prophesy over me. I've been somewhat skeptical of prophecy in the past...I've never doubted it could be a real gift, but some words I had heard before just seemed so general...like they could apply to anyone. Not so today. Every word out of every person's mouth for me hit me like a dagger to the heart. How can these people who don't know me (some who had never met me before today) KNOW things that I have thought & struggled with on my own, things that NONE of them could have possibly known. The only explanation is God told them. Just when I thought that I had pulled myself together & would stop crying, someone ELSE would come forward with something that cut me to the core. Lisa, a girl who did the school a couple of years ago (who I talked to once for maybe 5 minutes) came forward in tears & read me the Psalm that my favorite worship song in the world was written from. I was absolutely amazed at all of the amazing things God showed me through these incredible people. Each word that everyone had for me was recorded, & I should get the audio of it soon, so when I do I will write about it in more detail & exact quotes.

Sorry this blog is so jumbled, but that's kind of how my emotions are right now. I can't wait to see what this year has for me.

Lordship.

Today JL did V&C on Lordship. He brought up the point that it's interesting how people say, "Oh I tried Christianity once, it didn't really work out for me"...more like, you became a Christian because you thought you could have Jesus as your servant to fix your problems? WE are to be HIS servants, He is to be the Lord of our lives. The Bible refers to Jesus as Lord over 7,000 times, whereas it refers to him as Savior only 30-some times. I think that paints a pretty clear picture. JL began talking about what we have to give up when we become Christians...how for him it was 2 good friends & a life of partying, but God blessed him with HUNDREDS of friends even closer than the 2 he had to give up to walk with Christ. It occurred to me then...I have been so worried about what God MIGHT make me give up...I never stopped to listen. He hasn't asked me to give up those things. Maybe He will at some point, but He hasn't yet. So why am I worrying? Because I'm good at worrying. But while we were talking about it in V&C God just kind of said, "What are you worried for? Have I asked you to give that up? If I brought it to you, why would I take it away with no explanation?" It seems like a silly thing, but it was a major revelation for me. So now my prayer is to be still, & be patient, & surrender everything to Him...if He asks me to give up those things I've been fearing, we'll cross that bridge when we get there. I felt much more peace about it after that.

I found out today that I won't be getting my private lessons with Lori. I'm not as disappointed about this as I thought I would be...a bit bummed, but I trust that God has it figured out, & I know that I'll learn alot from whoever I get lessons from. So I'm okay with that. And that's not even to say that I might not get to take one or two lessons from her still. Who knows. God's got it worked out how it's supposed to be, so I'm not going to bother myself with it.

After lunch the elders & some other church members came in to pray & prophesy over each of us. We only got through 7 out of 17 students today, so we will continue tomorrow. It's really awesome to hear the giftings that some of these people have. There is no doubt in my mind that they are real & sincere. I even got words for someone today! I thought to myself early on, "Wouldn't it be cool to be able to tell someone something that God is saying? I'd love to have some kind of word for at least one person." And then I didn't think of it again. But while Josh was being prayed over, I thought, "Wouldn't it be strange if someone said 1 Peter 2:11 ("Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.") when they were praying over me?" I know that verse by heart, but sometimes forget the reference. Today it came to me clearly, & I wondered if I was supposed to speak up. I wrestled with it for a minute & decided not to say anything, because my wimpy verse didn't seem to compare to the amazing revelations others had for him. But after I decided I wouldn't, I had an image in my mind...not so much clear words, like God clearly laid them out one by one, but suddenly it came to me. So I went forward & told Josh that that verse had been put on my heart, & that I wasn't going to say it, but felt God pushing me to speak up & tell him that God DOES care for him, & that he needs to cast all his anxiety on Him because even when Josh might not feel he's strong enough to bear the burden, God is there & he IS strong enough. It was short & sweet but I could see that it meant something.

What I said to Josh applies to me as well. I need to let go of my worry & anxiety...I think that is what God has been calling me to give up for years now. But for some reason I hold on. I want to let it go.

Pleasant Prairie.

Last night we had a bonfire at our house. It was fun...but late into the evening I just started feeling...strange. I felt really unsocial & just exhausted. I don't know what was wrong with me. In the middle of everything, all of those people...I just felt alone. We had prayer time over Josh right before everyone left, & everyone felt a heaviness, like the air had changed. I really wonder if it was the enemy trying to attack us. He can't be too happy that we've all come together here to praise God & come closer to Him. He wants to isolate us from each other & cause doubt in our minds. But not this time. We're going to stand together through all of this.

This morning I went to the church meeting (they call them meetings here instead of services, btw) at Pleasant Prairie. Let me back up...Gary (elder from LLCC Pleasant Prairie) & Ian (elder from LLCC Kenosha) have been fighting over which congregation I would be in. It went back & forth & back & forth, but it was looking like I'd end up in Kenosha. Then on friday Ian randomly announced at the end of class that I would be in Pleasant Prairie. I was slightly disappointed, just because I've been to the Kenosha church & loved it, & my friend Heidi (who isn't on the school) goes there. But I figured there must be a reason & decided to just ride it out. The PP congregation meets in a rec center, & the acoustics are bad in there, so I was incredibly distracted by all the kids there during worship. It was almost drowning out the music for me. I'm sure they weren't that loud, but between the echo-y room & my dislike of children to begin with, it just sounded like a bunch of noise. And I found myself thinking, "God why did you put me HERE? I'll never be able to worship like this!" But Gary did the teaching & I really enjoyed it, so I figured maybe it wouldn't be so bad, especially considering I'll be getting good, personal worship 5 other days out of the week at school.

After the meeting was over, one of the members invited everyone from SOW & some other people over for lunch. I met a bunch more new people whose names I probably won't remember until they tell me ten more times. John & Dan & I agreed that it's been a bit overwhelming trying to figure out who everyone is & remember them. Anyway, at one point Gary came & sat down near me & I said, "So you won the battle over where I would end up, hey?" He said, "Yeah, you know, funny thing is, we had decided you were going to Kenosha. And then that day in school when I prayed for you, afterwards I went to Ian & said, 'I'm sorry Ian, I know we decided she was going to Kenosha, but I have to have her at Pleasant Prairie.' I was actually to the point of trading other students to get you here, that's how strongly I felt about it. After I prayed over you I just felt that it was where God wanted you to be." Well, can't argue with God. I actually felt much better after hearing him say that. At least now I know there is a purpose for where I've ended up, it wasn't just a random switch, & this is where God placed me.

The rest of today has been uneventful...I think Kate & I are going to Common Grounds to do our daily Bible reading/application. Then early to bed for school tomorrow.

EDIT - Thanks to those that have been leaving comments! I love to know that you all are reading!

The Holy Spirit.

Okay this will probably be kind of controversial. Because I suck at explaining things. Today Ian did V&C, the chapter on the Holy Sprit. Let me start by saying that I was raised to believe in the Trinity & that you are filled with the Holy Spirit at the time you are born again. Let me be clear at the start that I still believe this to be true.

Having said that, here we go.

First Ian talked about the Trinity & highlighted several passages of Scripture where it clearly addresses the idea of the Father, Son & Holy Spirit all being the same "person." Even though the word Trinity is never used, it is very obviously implied. From there we got on to the big stuff. Ian explained through his own testimony that he believed basically what I stated above, but that he was challenged by one of his Christian friends to seek the Holy Spirit in the more personal way that it's described in the Bible. He talked about how he felt so insufficient when he would pray about how "awesome" or "great" or "amazing" God was, because we use all of those words on a daily basis to describe other things. Well, you can't really describe God accurately in the way of anything else...so for him personally, that is the purpose of speaking in tongues. He was very clear that Living Light does NOT believe that you must speak in tongues to be a born again Christian or even to be filled with the Holy Spirit, but that it is the most common of the spiritual gifts...which obviously poses the question, couldn't you just fake it? Sure! But that's between each individual & God. I've never heard it presented in quite that way & it made sense to me. There have been times where I've literally been at a loss for words in prayer.

I remember a couple of years ago at a Flyleaf concert I recommitted my life to God, & since then things in my life have definitely changed. I think from that point on God challenged me to seek Him in a deeper, more personal way than I have in the past. After Ian finished V&C we had a prayer session. I was sitting on the ground praying & was suddenly overcome by that same emotion that I felt at the Flyleaf concert. Shortly after I felt someone lean over me & place a hand on the top of my head & I recognized Gary's voice as he began praying for me. After his prayer, he said, "You're safe, Cara. God knows your fears & your doubts & your insecurities about what you have to give up this year. You can give it to Him in confidence. You're safe." I just burst into tears. It was like this huge weight off my chest to hear that. God has been challenging everyone in our class to let go of our lives & turn them completely to Him. It's hard & it's scary, but it's so worth it.

As if THAT wasn't emotional enough, we finished out student testimonies today. Wow. It's very clear that God has each of us here for a reason.

It's been an emotionally exhausting day, but I loved it. This doesn't even begin to describe it all...I feel God breaking me apart from the inside & rebuilding me with no fear.

TGIF.

Testimonies.

Today we had the water baptism segment of V&C. How the heck did THAT get so messed up? I mean, the Bible clearly talks about how baptism is supposed to work...heard of the Great Commission? What's this sprinkling babies business? Haha. John (henceforth to be referred to as JL since there are so many Johns here!) did a great job explaining all that & how things got so twisted.

After lunch was dedicated solely to student testimonies. We were way ahead of schedule, so I went ahead & shared mine today. Like I said in my previous post, I never know what God is going to move me to say. I had it all planned out & then ended up saying something totally different. I told about when I got saved of course, & my accident, & my baptism, but then I randomly felt like I should talk about the musical influence Skillet has had in my life...so I talked about how I was raised in a pretty uptight Southern Baptist church & how we only ever sang hymns, so I was shocked at my first Skillet concert back in 2001 when the music was loud...& I liked it. And the worship was different than I had ever known...& I liked it. I felt kind of stupid sharing all that, considering most of Korey's family was in the room, but I felt that it was what God was leading me to say, so I went with it. Afterwards Carol came up to me & said that she appreciated me sharing that, so I didn't feel as awkward about it after that.

The thing I noticed about everyone's testimonies today was how...AMAZING...& real they were. I don't know what I was expecting, but man our God is good! It was incredible to hear what God has delivered/protected/spared them all from. I don't think there was a single testimony where I didn't tear up at all. John went right before me & it was kind of hard to follow that. He was so real & honest it was so encouraging, in a way. I feel so close to everyone already, but after hearing where everyone has come from & where they hope to go...I just feel like I've known these people forever. Kal even commented on that after worship this morning, that he has never seen a class come together so quickly. And this is the ninth year of the school. God definitely has huge things in store for us. Kal also talked about Godly sorrow & dying to ourselves...I really think that's what's happening with each of us, it's like every day I feel a little part of me change, & I know that I'm no longer concerned with myself but with God's Will for my life day to day.

Tomorrow we will get to hear the other half of our class' testimonies. Which means I need to get some sleep. Waking up at 6am hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be, but I don't want to push my luck...especially after Kate & I stayed up talking till 1am last night. But God is faithful & I didn't even feel tired once. Until right now. Goodnight.

The Glorious Gospel.

I definitely had a harder time getting out of my comfy bed this morning. Pray that that stops right now. I suspect it will only get harder the colder it gets out.

Today we had more testimonies from Gary & Karen (another of the elders & his wife), Gloria & Kimmy (teachers at the school), & Kate's grandparents, Don & Carol (who are also founders of Living Light along with Korey's parents).

After lunch we started the church's Vision & Commitment class with John (the "principal" of our school/apostolic leader of LLCC). Basically it's the class any new members would go through to learn exactly what they believe at Living Light. With the introduction he talked about how they believe what the Bible says with no exceptions. God's Word is always the final authority...whether or not we choose to believe it is our own issue. Basically, we need to have our foundations built on what the Bible says & what we have seen God do in our lives. John put it this way, God called us to be his witnesses, but what good are witnesses if they haven't seen anything? There are so many people that have the knowledge of the Bible, but we also need to share how we have seen God work in our own lives. And from THERE, what must we do in response to what we've seen/heard? Next he presented the Gospel simply because it was the next chapter of V&C. But WOW, I've never heard it presented so well I don't think. I don't know how anyone could hear it just as he presented it & NOT be convicted in some way. Half of our class was in tears by the end of it...pretty much everyone except me, Kate, & a few others. I started to feel kind of...left out? Kate & I were talking on the way home though, & agreed that neither of us has ever felt unsure of our salvation, so why act like God was moving something in us when we were already solid in our beliefs? It was good to hear that she felt the same way I did about it. It was very powerful though, & they decided to conclude class early (even though we still had Ian & Trefor's testimonies left).

Kal gave us the opportunity to spend some time alone before we left school, & for some reason I was drawn to 1 Peter 1:12. I'm not sure why. Or what that means. But I underlined it & made a note, so I'm hoping to come back to it later with some more clarity.

Tomorrow we start student testimonies...I have to share first on friday. I'm kind of nervous...not sure why. I was going to scratch out some notes but I think instead I'll just let God give me the words. I have a feeling I'll be sharing some things outside of my normal testimony, but I'm not sure quite what...so I figure it's best to just trust God to give me the words & not stress myself out over it.

First Day...Complete!

Obviously today was my first day to class. I woke up at 6am alot easier than I thought I would...any of you that know me well know I'm NOT a morning person, so it's pretty much by the grace of God that I picked up Filip & Hannah for school & made it there on time. Haha.

Today was solely testimonies from church/school staff, but it's awesome to hear where people are coming from & what God has done (& is continuing to do) in their lives. We heard testimonies from Tim & Carol (two of the original founders of Living Light), John & Kim (John is the apostolic leader of the church & Kim is his wife), Scott & Rhonda (one of the elders & his wife), & then our directors, Kal & Teresa. Teresa's was by far my favorite...I have a feeling about her...I like her alot already. She almost reminds me of an older version of me, & it's really encouraging to see what God has done with her & how He has spoken to her. She has incredible gifts in music, as well as spiritual gifts. From what little I know of her she is just an amazing person, & I have a feeling we will be talking much more in the near future.

This blog feels so short & uninformative...there were so many things I wanted to write about, too! I can't remember any of them at the mo because I'm so tired! Tomorrow I will take notes. Maybe. Haha.

Overwhelmed.

The last two days have been pretty overwhelming...the church picnic was yesterday, & it was pretty exhausting to meet so many people & answer the same questions (Who are you? Where are you from? What do you play? How did you hear about the school?), but everyone was really welcoming. I talked a bit with Lori Peters about doing my lessons this year...dunno if she will have time or not, & I'm pretty sure that she thinks I'm a freak, but I trust God will give me a perfectly capable instructor regardless...even though I really would love to work with her.

We had a joint meeting of all three churches today & it was awesome. God definitely showed me some amazing things in the worship time & in the meeting time. This year has definitely started off packing the punches. During worship we focused on not worrying about meaningless things in life (something I'm an expert at), & allowing God to take control & fill you with His peace. WOW, I needed to hear that, & I'm sure I will need to hear it a few hundred times more before it sinks in, but we're on the right track. Haha. Then during the meeting we studied 1 John 2:28-3:10, about how when we are born again God instantly transforms us...so many people view it like we have to change everything when we are saved, when actually God starts to change us when we are saved...it's a seemingly subtle difference, but a big one at the same time. And it came up again that we need to trust God & surrender our lives to Him completely...gee, it seems like He's trying to tell me something. After service ended Kelly (the only other drummer on the school this year) came up to me & said, "I don't know what is going on in your life right now, or where you're at, but I wanted to tell you I was praying for you in the meeting today & that you are here for a purpose. You might not know what you have to offer, & you might be nervous, but God has placed you here because you have a purpose only you can fulfill. It wouldn't be the same without you, & the school would suffer without you. Just thought you should know that that was put on my heart today." I can't believe what God is telling me already. I can't wait to see what this year has in store.

A bunch of us on the school have been hanging out all day today...we went to lunch at Panera & had ice cream at Cold Stone, & then went to Best Buy to get cell phones for the Brits, & then to Target to get random odds & ends. Haha. I think tonight we are all going to hang out at me & Kate's & watch movies & enjoy our last couple of days of freedom by relaxing. :o)

Thanks to all that have been praying...as you can see God is already moving.

Awesomeness.

This blog is called awesomeness because my roommate said it should be. Haha. Tonight we had our student/staff picnic at Kate's (& my) house. Awesomeness is actually pretty much the only word for it...everyone is so amazing. It was incredible to finally meet everyone & hear a bit about them.

All the students & staff got together in a circle & we all went round & introduced ourselves, then Teresa & Kal (our directors) went through our scheduling for the first couple of weeks & gave us a brief overview of what to expect. This year is going to be amazing, I can feel it. I can't wait to see how God works through everyone's lives on the school this year. The first two weeks is basically going to be testimonies of everyone on staff at the school & church, & all of the students. Then from there we pretty much get into all the hardcore reading & music. It's going to be awesome. I can already see God showing me things...I can't really explain it but I know I am where I'm supposed to be. It's going to be hard & scary, but totally worth it.

Tomorrow is the all-church picnic at the lake. As if tonight wasn't intense enough meeting like 50 new people, tomorrow is going to be even CRAZIER. I can't wait. It's going to be an awesome year.

O'Hare.

Today the 3 Amigos (me, Kate, & Stef) went with Kal (director of our school) to pick up 3 of the Englanders from O'Hare in Chicago. What an adventure, let me tell ya.

We left round noon-thirty & arrived in Chicago 'bout 1:30. We waited about an hour for John (first student to arrive) to get through customs...it was funny because we all started off really excited but after about 30 minutes it got boring waiting. So Kal began going, "JOHN! JOOOOHN! Okay girls, start shouting, first guy that looks we take, whether it's him or not..." Bahaha. Finally we found him, & went to the OTHER international exit to wait for Lydia & Becky, who shared a flight. They didn't arrive until 4:00, they had a loooong line in customs. Then it took us FOREVER to get through Chicago at rush hour. It was a long day for us, & a longer day for them, but it was so great to meet them finally after all the facebook stalking we've all been doing. Haha.

After dropping the three Brits off at their respective homes Kate, Stef & I went to Panera for dinner. Good times were had by all. I know the three of us will be close.

Tomorrow is our student/staff picnic, I'm super excited. There are rumored to be about 55 people coming, it will be so great to meet everyone. I can't believe all this is finally happening...

I found out today from Kal that I am the only drummer, aside from another girl, Kelly, who knows a bit of drums...I don't think she is majoring in that though. So that's a bit nerve-wracking. And Kal said he was going to talk to Lori this week about doing my lessons, so that is exciting news!

I feel like I'm not being very informative but by the time I actually have time to write I am so tired that I feel like I'm not making any sense! I love my roommate & my host family, dunno if I've said that yet or not...they are seriously so perfect for me, I knew God would place me in the best place for me.

Definitely past my bedtime...I get my morning wake up 6am. Oy. Can't wait for the picnic, will post more tomorrow!

Hello, Kenosha!

I'm heeeeeeerrrrrrrrreeeeeeee!!!!!

Wow I can't believe this day has arrived...we got here round 5:30 & Katelyn (my roomie) & I went to pick up Stephanie (the only other American girl on the school this year) & her mom. We all came back to Katelyn's (my) house for dinner & bonding time haha. Us three girls get along fantastically & have already nicknamed ourselves the 3 Amigos. Bahaha.

Tomorrow we three girls are going to Chicago with Kal to pick up John, Lydia, & Becky from England. I feel like there are a thousand more things that I have to say, but my brain is working overtime at the mo & I need sleep. I'm sure my updates will become more frequent now...least till school starts. Haha.

Goodnight all, thanks for your prayers!!!