Self Discipline.

I'm not good at it. V&C was on self discipline today (obviously), taught by Gary. I really enjoy when he teaches. Anyway, it made me realize that I need to practice it more & prioritize a bit better sometimes. I procrastinate alot, & I need to be disciplined & get things done.

We ended V&C about an hour early, so I got some good solid practice time drumming. I was feeling pretty good about playing the song in worship team today, & I could feel a definite improvement from yesterday, but I didn't figure I'd get to play much (if at all) today since Kelly didn't get to play at all yesterday. Just as I figured, she played the entire hour up till the last run-through, when Kal called me up to play. I got up there & I was feeling pretty confident until I looked out & saw Nick (the drummer in the Kenosha church, who's REALLY good) sitting in the second row watching. Now, the good thing about being the drummer is that generally no one notices the drummer, so unless you screw up royally, no one will notice. But drummers watch other drummers. I tried not to focus on him being there--it's bad enough having Kelly in the same room watching, as well as Kal & all the other crazy-good musicians on the school this year, & I hadn't even warmed up. So I counted off & focused on Josh's bass, but I felt myself slipping early into the song & fell out of the beat several times throughout. By the time the end of the song came, I was so frazzled that I didn't even give it a proper ending. Frustrated with myself, I went down to get my shoes from the front row & overheard Nick & Kal talking about how great Kelly was doing & how Nick spent alot of time giving her tips last night. I was feeling so down on myself that I just left straight after school.

I don't know why this has been bothering me so. I've NEVER had an issue with comparing myself with other people, but there are so many multi-talented musicians here who have had tons of experience playing...I'm afraid when we DO split off into worship teams, everyone will be like, "Oh we're stuck with Cara, it's too bad we couldn't have got Kelly instead." Maybe no one is thinking that at all, but I'm feeling pretty discouraged at the mo. I could use your prayers. I don't want to be struggling with this all year but I don't really know how to overcome it either because I've never had this problem before!

I have my lesson tomorrow. Maybe that will help. Or make it worse, depending.

On the bright side, we had our second Music Theory & Ear Training classes today, & I understand it so far alot better than I thought I would. I've learned the basics several times in my life, & I guess it's actually stuck more than I thought. I'm sure it will get more challenging as we go on, but it's encouraging to at least know that I'm not totally back at square one...maybe square two or three. Haha.

Thanks to all have been praying, & that continue to do so...on top of all this I have a majorly sore throat that showed up last night & looks like it's going to hang around. Pray that I don't get sick!