Blah.

TGIF. I feel like crap today. The other worship team led this morning & did a great job. I can't wait to lead...even though it will mean I have to be at school at 7am. Stewardship in Life was with Shanon today & then we had Bible Review with Tim. Numbers is an interesting book. Kelly was really sick today so we don't have a drum lesson. Sooo, now I'm feeling miserable & watching Psych...which helps a bit.

I think this may actually be the shortest blog I've ever written.

Have a good weekend.

Prayer...Part 2.

Tracey came in as a guest speaker for Prophetic Worship this morning & spoke about prayer. So amazing. I could probably spend an hour writing this blog...but I'm tired so I won't. Haha. She shared her testimony & talked about the different types of prayer. She mostly talked about acting on those random thoughts you get to pray for people, because you never know how it's going to change that person's life. And you may never know, but God tells you to pray for people for a reason. It was a really powerful teaching, I wish I could go into more detail.

After Tracey was done we all had a time of prayer together. Tracey ended up going around the circle & praying over each of us individually. She had a word for me as well, which I was smart enough to write down right away: " 'I am your strength right now. I am the strength at your back & your supporter,' says the Lord." I'm pretty sure that God giving me strength is the only way I'm not in super confusion over the state of my life right now. And her word definitely made me thank God for giving me that strength, because I know I could never do any of this without Him. Not long after, Serita (a former SOW student visiting for the day) came & prayed over me & read me Psalm 18. She also had a word for me, which actually made me laugh out loud when I heard it: "He rescued you because He delights in you. I feel like He's speaking to you to stop comparing yourself, & stop thinking that you are not worthy of what He is offering you. Let Him be your strength, stop worrying & asking why & assuming the worst. He has given you a firm foundation because He delights in you." That was SO what I needed to hear.

There was a girl visiting today that's thinking of doing the school next year, so I went to lunch at Daily Dose with her & Kate & Stef. After lunch was Ear Training & Theory. Ear wasn't so bad...but we have a test in Theory next thursday that I am definitely not looking forward to. We didn't have worship teams again today, which kind of stunk, but Kate, Bethany, Hanna & I spent some time in prayer for the KBP benefit concert tonight, & for anything else the Lord put on our hearts. It was good fellowship time, & it was a great way to outwork what we spent the entire morning talking about. Overall it was a good day.

I'm wiped. Kate is trying to get me to go to the KBP thing tonight...I don't know if I have the energy.

Uneventful.

Today has been pretty uneventful...Exploring Worship was good, but Bible Review was canceled because Gary had to go home. We did some independent study, & then Keyboarding was after lunch. I haven't been feeling that great so I missed game night at homegroup. Which might actually be for the best considering how competitive I am.

Sorry for the short post...it's more to meet my daily quota than anything. Haha. Kate's dad just brought me a glass of wine (a red from Trader Joe's, if there are any wine connoisseurs out there), so I think I will enjoy it while I finish my Bible Reading & hit the hay.

Goodnight.

"Get Over It!"

That is John Kasica's favorite saying, I think.

Day 2 with the Kasicas was just as good as day 1. I only have 5 pages of notes today though because they only did the morning teaching. Haha.

We started off the morning with a bit of worship, & then they had us take time to meditate & ask God to speak to us. God definitely spoke to me! Last night I couldn't fall asleep, & when I was so focused on trying to get some rest, random things would come to mind...I'd pause & wonder, & then go back to being frustrated that it was midnight & I was still awake. As I got more & more restless, the thoughts came more persistently...& then I realized that God was speaking to me & I was so concerned with myself that I wasn't bothering to listen! So I relaxed & asked Him to show me what He wanted me to see. I saw a picture of a trunk. Like, a luggage trunk, or even a treasure chest. That was all. I prayed that He would help me to remember it in the morning, & fell asleep. So when we were given time to meditate, that trunk came to mind again. And then I saw inside the trunk, that there were a few of the most beautifully wrapped gifts you've ever seen, & as I watched, I saw a pair of hands placing more packages in the trunk. Then I realized that those same hands were wrapping each of the packages individually, & each was unique. As I watched, I noticed that each of the packages had an attribute of God's Love written on it; Forgiving, Patient, Kind, Immeasurable... This continued for some time, until the trunk was completely full. Once all the packages were fit securely inside, the hands closed the lid & I saw my name was engraved on the top of the trunk. I think God was saying that He's carefully storing up His Love in my heart, because healing will come when I allow myself to be completely filled up with His Love. But it doesn't end there. He wants me to unwrap those gifts & give a part of them to others. His Love should be outworked in MY love to others! Wow.

So after we were done meditating John asked if anyone would like to share. At first I didn't want to because I thought it was only for me...but then Kal brought a word for a couple of people specifically, & then Stef shared a picture of what she had seen, & when John asked again if anyone else wanted to share, I felt like I should. Even if only one other person needed to hear it I'm happy.

During the break later, Sam came over to me & said that he wanted to encourage me to speak out more often, because the things I say are always good, & deep. He also said that he feels like when I share it encourages others to step out, that I am really good at breaking the ice & bringing something that encourages others to follow that example. That was SO encouraging to hear! Once in middle school I was told I talked too much in youth group, & looking back on it I really think that God was just constantly speaking through me! But it was hard to overcome that worry that I talked too much, & I think I can confidently say that I'm delivered from it. If you don't like to hear me talk, don't listen! Haha.

The morning finished up with the Kasicas teaching on prophecy & healing. I could go into all of that, but I don't even know where to begin. We had some GREAT prayer time, & I had some really wonderful one-on-one time with Bethany & was able to pray for her & encourage her. She is such an inspiration to me! She's growing so much in her faith & I love being able to witness it & share in it with her.

After lunch we had Songwriting, which was actually a really good time today. We went on many tangents about cows & poo & other things...but we also learned a bit about writing songs, & got to analyze "ABC" by the Jackson 5. Haha. Good times.

Worship Teams today for the first time in a week! I was really nervous because I was so out of practice, but we were on the downstairs stage today & we chose a song we all like, but that we had never played before...& we just worshiped to it. It was such an anointed time together, & for a song we had never played it flowed really well. I was pretty pleased.

Okay, this is long enough. I could go on for hours...but I won't.

The Kasicas.

John & Paula Kasica are visiting. They did all of the teaching today & will teach again the first half of tomorrow. I don't even know where to start this blog. What incredibly gifted, anointed people. You could literally feel God in the room. It was amazing...I took ten pages of notes throughout the day. I guess I can highlight the most significant parts to me, because to write out all my notes would take ages, & I doubt you would read all of them anyway. Haha.

One of the first things they did was play us a few songs & have us spread out & just write what God was speaking to us. It would probably be easiest just to copy down what I wrote...

"We are not to lose sight of Him. But when we seek answers, He should be the first & last place we look. We should never go to anyone else for answers first, & once He has spoken to us we should accept it as the ONLY truth. We don't need 'second opinions'...His Word is FINAL. Receive it, accept it, & allow Him to bless you in it! I hate that saying, 'It's always the last place you look.' Well of course it is, who continues to search for something after they've already found it? In the same way, we should not continue to search for anything AFTER He has revealed it to us. When God speaks to me, I tend to have one of two responses: If He answers me with something I don't want to hear, I look for that 'second opinion' until I hear the answer I want & get what I want from someone else. On the other hand, if He shows me something GOOD, I accept it gladly...but then start to worry that it is actually too good to be true. But His Word is FINAL, no matter how I feel about it, & I need to stop wasting time doubting & accept His blessings & word over my life!"

There was so much ground covered in between...but I'm going to jump ahead to part of one of the teachings. We probably spent the most time focusing today on what God's love really is. Dan brought an INCREDIBLE word about His love for us. It seriously moved me to tears. Phenomenal. One of the main things he said was to stop striving & struggling to understand love. We will never comprehend it! That totally spoke to me...I try to understand sometimes why PEOPLE love me, don't even get me started on why GOD loves me! But for whatever reason, He chose to save me & reveal a taste of that love to me. We have to know that He IS love. Nothing can separate us from that love...despite what the enemy says! We started really digging into the Bible & looking at what perfect love is, & it's just such an amazing picture! I long to love others that way. I long to BE loved by others that way. You cannot love until you have been loved first. You can read about it & see it, but you will never KNOW it until you've actually EXPERIENCED it for yourself! I just think of the blessings in my own life right now, & how sometimes none of it makes sense, but I am not afraid. Sometimes I think maybe I should be...but then I'm reminded that perfect love kills all fear! Fear is what hinders us from love! When I look at the attributes of love...man. I just want to strive for those qualities in my own life. To abide in love is to abide in God.

I could go on & on. That was just the MORNING session!

After lunch I got about a half hour of drumming in. Maaaaan I am sloppy! That's what not playing for a week gets you, I suppose. But I did come up with some new stuff, which was good.

The afternoon with the Kasicas was just as anointed as the morning was. We discussed how to use art & creativity & music for His glory. Also good stuff. I won't get into detail because we haven't finished that segment yet...that's where we're picking up tomorrow.

Now I have to go finish my songwriting assignment before CBC at 7:00. Oy. I don't know if I have the energy for that...Jesus give me strength.

Financial Advice.

Worship has been really great lately. I don't know if it's my attitude that is changing or if God's just been speaking to me more, but every morning after worship time I just feel so refreshed. I'm already thinking of ways I can keep that in my daily routine even after I'm out of school.

Larry came in to speak for Stewardship In Life today about finances. Considering it's something people never really talk about, it was really interesting. It also made me realize how lucky I am that my parents have raised me to appreciate money I've earned & drilled it into my brain that I should do everything possible to avoid getting into debt. Really it seems that that's where everything goes wrong. It was interesting to hear about real estate & mortgages & stuff as well, considering I've never really understood that stuff, & considering that I hope I'm not living in an apartment in 10 years. Larry is a really great teacher too...I didn't think I'd really be too interested in hearing about finances, but he actually broke it down really well & I enjoyed it.

Bible Review with Tim was good. I'm finding it hard to be too interested in Leviticus & Numbers, but it IS interesting to see how the Old Testament & the New Testament tie together in so many places. It makes me think again how grateful I am that we don't have to do animal sacrifices. I'm pretty sure I'd rather give myself...as much as it hurts sometimes. Wouldn't really be too excited about killing lambs like twice a day. Just sayin.

It's been a pretty uneventful day. No drum lesson, so I went to lunch at Culver's with Kate & Becky. Where I learned that Kate can summarize my time here in 5 minutes. Haha. I love her.

Going to Filip & Hanna's tonight for a bit. Should be good.

Still cold & rainy out. Getting tired of seeing gray.

Short Update...

I'm exhausted so I hope all this makes sense.

Yesterday was...pretty uneventful. Wednesdays usually are, & it was especially so since there was no homegroup.

Prophetic Worship was today...first class yet I've made it through with no tears! Haha, yay for me! It was nice to be the encourager today, instead of the one in a heap on the floor. Teresa had us memorize Psalm 23 & then just worship with it. It's really cool when you know a passage well enough that you can just speak it or sing it out in a worship time. So amazing. I've been thinking alot lately about Trefor's prophecy for me about having a secret place to retreat to anytime. I'm praying that God reveals that place to me soon.

Ear Training is going better than I expected...Theory is still hard, but somehow we managed to distract Kal enough at the beginning of class that most of the hour was taken up by him talking about the time he shot a pigeon with a bow & arrow, & other adventures in killing small animals.

After school I had dinner with Kimmy at Panera. This is the first time we've really gotten to hang out outside of school, & it was so great. She has such joy & such passion, it's contagious. We had great conversation about how God's been working in both of us & in the school as a whole. So wonderful!

Tonight was a prayer meeting for the Pleasant Prairie congregation. I was driving there, ended up getting totally lost, but ended up actually getting to have a long conversation with my old roommate about what God has been speaking to me here...she believes in God, I think, but she's not born again. She's really been on my heart lately, so I know her calling me tonight was not on accident. I was able to share a bit of the Gospel with her, & she seemed totally receptive. She said she wants to talk again in a few days, & I'm praying that I will get a word for her before that so I will have something more to share with her. She is one of my best friends, & I would love more than anything to see her get saved, & to play a part in that. She's such an incredible, strong woman...I can only imagine how much more amazing she would be walking with Him! Pray for her, & for me, that I will know what to say, & that I will receive a word for her. This was definitely the highlight of my day, & SUCH a huge breakthrough! I ended up missing the prayer meeting, but I spent about an hour & a half in the Word & in prayer for her at home, so I hope that counts.

Thank God tomorrow is friday! I am wiped. It's been a crazy week.

Sacrifice Of Praise.

Today worship was great. I didn't really think it was going to be. But Gary brought a word about how God is the Great I AM, & what does that actually mean to us? It's amazing how much He does for us, everything He is to us...& we don't even deserve it. We don't deserve to be allowed to come into His presence when we are constantly messing up & disobeying & disappointing Him. But lucky for us, He doesn't limit the amount of times we can come to Him! He doesn't say, "Well you only get 3 chances & after that you're done, so don't screw it up." We can barely even comprehend how awesome that actually is! We are so insignificant & He is SO MUCH!

Exploring Worship was great today. We had a discussion about what the term "sacrifice of praise" means. In the Old Testament they had to make animal sacrifices daily...what is our sacrifice? Are we foolish enough to think we got off easy & that it isn't required of us? God asks us to offer up our very bodies as living sacrifices to Him. That means putting praising Him as a priority over anything else we would rather be doing. That means if we are busy doing something else & He tells us to drop everything & spend time with Him, we heed His voice & obey QUICKLY. That means not focusing on OUR feelings, & instead focusing on HIM. It's not a sacrifice if it doesn't cost you something, so we should enter into His presence & lay down everything we have without expecting anything in return. So often we go into worship time with expectations about what WE can get out of it, but it isn't about us, it's about God. If we abandon all expectations, we really allow ourselves to hear His voice & allow Him to work in us. And when things get hard in our walk with Him, we can take comfort in knowing that it's SUPPOSED to be hard! How else is He going to grow us if He doesn't test us?

Teresa worked with us today on our choir parts for CBC. Since I can sing both soprano & alto (neither well, but I do have the range), I always get stuck as a soprano. So I was sufficiently light-headed by the time we got to lunch...LUNCH! OMG lunch was great. Green chile chicken enchiladas! I haven't had good enchiladas in sooo long...I was in heaven. Seriously. There was only one helping of leftovers so I claimed it for tomorrow. Put my name on it & everything. Really, you have no idea how amazingly exciting this was for me. Haha.

Songwriting class is great. I can't wait till next semester when John Cooper comes in to teach.

No worship teams again today, sadly. There was an electrician in our rehearsal space fixing a blown fuse. But it was kind of nice to get out early.

Choir...Ugh.

This weekend was nice. Slow, boring, & uneventful. It involved lots of Bible reading, & many episodes of Psych. Haha. Scott did part 2 of Suffering on sunday, & it was just what I needed to hear. I need to remind myself that even though what I'm going through hurts, it is not bigger than God, & He has His hand over every situation. This has not taken Him by surprise, & all I can do is trust, & be thankful for the revelation He HAS given me.

Today Trefor taught New Testament Church Structure about the importance of sharing the Gospel & reflecting on it daily. He showed us a video of a guy who's an atheist talking about being witnessed to, & he said, "I just have to think...if you believe, with all your heart, that there is a Heaven & Hell...& that people might actually be going to Hell...how much do you have to hate someone NOT to share your belief with them?" This is a guy who doesn't even believe there is a God, & he can appreciate someone sharing their beliefs with him. I never really thought about it, but we SHOULD be reflecting on the Gospel daily. It isn't just something we hear when we get saved & never think of again. It is the KEY to everything! He recommended the book "A Gospel Primer" by Milton Vincent...I may have to look into that.

Afternoon classes were Theory & Ear...they weren't actually so bad. Kal decided instead of having Worship Teams today we were going to just go to Dairy Queen & get ice cream instead. Kimmy & John got into an ice cream fight, which later led to her being doused with water by Sam...craziness ensued. Haha.

SO, to get to the title of this blog...LLCC does a Christmas service every year called Carols by Candlelight, which involves (can you guess?) A CHOIR! All SOW students are required to participate. I am not a singer. I do not like choir. I didn't even like doing it when I had to in middle school at Bethel, I only did it because Shannon did. And if there is one thing I dislike more than choir it is Christmas songs in October. So, needless to say, I am not really looking forward to this at all, & I need to get over it & change my attitude. But I can't do it, I'm going to have to ask God to do it. Because I really am not looking forward to it. But at least all the SOW students are in the same boat, & Heidi & Lisa & a few other people I know are doing it too, so at least the company will be good.

Oy...this is a late-night blog. (<--Who'd have thought I'd refer to 10:30 as "late night"?!) I'm caught up on homework now, so I think I'm ready for bed.

HURTING.

I knew this was going to come. I've been dreading it since I first heard Tracey's prophecy (see previous blog). I knew what that thing that I had to give up was, & I tried so hard to hold onto it...but God knew better. During Prophetic Worship today Teresa shared about how she has had 7 miscarriages, & how she knew the power of God through each one. Even before she was married she had people prophesy that the enemy would attack her womb & make it hard for her to have children. But even though she only has 2 children out of 9 pregnancies, she sees the work of God through it. She sees how He has used those tragedies to His Glory, & she is JOYFUL. I want her joy. I have tasted it, but I don't fully understand it. Even last night, I was filled with dread because I knew what God was going to ask of me today. I couldn't sleep. And then I had a nightmare about what would happen if I finally did work up the courage to let go. Teresa & I talked on tuesday & she knew the situation. When we began to pray during class, Lydia & I prayed out similar things, & it turns out we both had to let go of something similar. Kal took the guys out of the room, & Teresa & the other girls laid hands on Lydia & I & prayed over us. Bethany had a song for us about how receiving God's mercy requires nothing from us, that He sacrificed it all for us. Teresa had a picture of a fist, & that the fist was holding so tightly that it physically couldn't let go on its own, but once it did there was understanding. I felt peace after they finished praying...but after lunch God said, "Do it now. Let go." So I found a place by myself...& I let go. And I don't feel better. And I hate it. And I wonder if I'm crazy. And I HURT. I just can't see how God is going to use this for His Glory. I know he heals the brokenhearted...why can't I feel it? Why don't I feel healed?

Afternoon classes were canceled, & the girls went to Kimmy's house to pray. The girls all prayed over me & assured me that acting out of obedience isn't always easy...but it's right. I suppose I know this. But I wonder how long I'll have to hurt. I wonder how long it will take to find healing in Him. While the girls were praying I got a word for someone. If that person reads this...KNOW that that is the most significant, personal word I have ever had for someone, & that it should not be taken lightly.

I need your prayers more than ever right now. God has shown me what to do, & He has been gracious in showing His blessings for me...but right now I just feel broken.

Prayer.

This morning instead of typical worship time Kal had us all just pray together. We literally spent an hour in prayer, it was amazing. God brought such revelation on all that we have to be thankful for. Exploring Worship was good...every day is just so much to absorb...I honestly never knew that there really is a specific way God wants us to praise Him, & that it really has absolutely nothing to do with us. It's our responsibility to prepare our hearts for worship every day & praise Him without reservation or question. It isn't conditional on when we need help or want something from Him either...would YOU want to be loved like that?

Bible Review with Gary was awesome today as well. We've been reading Acts still, & he asked us what each of us really got out of it. For me, it's incredible how many times it says that all the believers were of one heart & mind, & that they shared everything. It's such an amazing picture of how Christ intended His church to be. I couldn't stop thinking of the new song from Flyleaf, "Beautiful Bride." THAT'S how it's supposed to look! After we each shared our revelations we spent more time in prayer, asking God to make us bold in the Gospel the way Paul & Peter were. So many times we think we need to baby people when we're sharing the Gospel with them, like we don't want to hurt their feelings or make them mad. Did Paul & Peter care what people thought? HOW many times were they thrown in jail? Haha. During prayer time God just kept telling me, "KTF, KTF, KTF," over & over & over. I think I'm supposed to use Mr. Geissler's example in some way...I'll have to spend a bit more time praying for clarity about how...but it should be interesting.

Keyboarding was...okay. On one hand I'm completely bored in that class because I've learned this stuff already, but I'm SO out of practice that it's still a bit of a challenge. A good balance I suppose. My team actually LED worship this afternoon...that was a bit scary. I think I did okay though...it's just hard to focus on the music as well as being in a completely abandoned state of worship. But I'm sure it will come over time. I feel like I did pretty well for my first time on stage with a band, actually in front of people. It felt good anyway. The improv was kind of hard, but the more confident I got the better I sounded, I think. It was great.

Homegroup tonight...we're listening to JL's teaching on the Shield of Faith. After hearing the teaching on the Sword of the Spirit I'm pretty excited for this one. Should be good.

Prophecies.

Not too much to report today, except that worship teams rocked. I nailed the song we were working on & it sounded great.

ALSO, I got the CD of the prophetic words over me! I will share some of them here...

Gary -

"You have come into this year with preconceived notions of what it's going to be all about. Oh, if you could only see now what I am going to do with you. Oh, if you could only see the plans I have for you. Oh, if only you could imagine...because I am the God who can do immeasurably more than all you have asked of this year already, & all that you've imagined it to be. I am going to blow your mind," says the Lord. "You would not believe, even if I told you myself," says the Lord, "you would not believe right now what I am going to do in you, & what I will do through you. So be free...because I am going to break down the walls if you don't...of the box that you've confined me in...of the way you see yourself...of the way you understand your ability & giftings. I say get ready. I say GET READY. I will blow your mind," says the Lord.

Tracey -

Everyone stares at her. She feels judged. She's sick to her stomach, & in her hand she holds the most precious thing she has. And she holds it tight & she looks to her Lord & she meets His eyes. And she goes to Him, past all the staring eyes, & she goes to His feet...& she offers to Him the most precious of what she has. And she breaks it, & she opens it, & she pours it all over Him. She gives it ALL. And that fragrance fills the room...& it makes no sense to the judging critical eyes. But the Lord knows & He understands what was done, & He says, "Her name will go on & on...this story will continue to be told, & still to this day we continue to tell the story. This is you. This is you & you are beautiful, & what you bring me is beautiful. And it is so purposeful, that perfume anointed me for my very death. You do not know how precious that gift is to me. Such a valuable love...though you have not seen me, you love me still." You are weeping...weeping over His feet. This is who you are. It fills the room. Such depth of feeling & emotion...so deep...so compassionate, so sensitive...

Gloria -

God was just telling me about strength that came through in your life through this accident...it was one moment in time & people have tried to define your whole life through such a major traumatic thing that most people don't experience but my eyes were so much on your future, they were so much on the next strength...& there's more strength...it's been a thing that God has used to strengthen you your whole life & free you from other things that other people didn't have to struggle with 'cause He worked through it...but there's more strength. That was part of your life, it's not your whole life. It doesn't define everything about who you're going to become & yet to be but God has so much more for you & so much more beyond what you can see & I just feel like there was encouragement from the Lord that he knows your desires & in Proverbs 13:12 it says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." And I just really believe that he's going to fulfill the secret desires of your heart & there will be a tree of life ever-growing, ever-increasing, ever-fruitful...& leaves & flourishing just beautiful lots of shade lots of life with this tree & trees get sick sometimes but yours isn't going to be that way. Your life is going to be growing from strength to strength, ever increasing strength to strength in the name of Jesus.

These are just a few that really stand out to me. The actual audio is 15 minutes. I love it.

Time for Ear Training homework.

Deliverance.

The theme for worship this morning turned into deliverance. Bethany & Kimmy were leading, & Bethany brought a word about how we in this country don't understand God's deliverance because we don't really have to ask for it. And it's so true! He blesses us tremendously, so much that we take it for granted. It kind of went with the theme of suffering from the teaching yesterday...now I'm REALLY wondering if God is trying to prepare me for something. Whatever it is, I'm going to praise God anyway.

Exploring Worship was good today. We've been focusing on our responsibilities as worshipers the last couple of classes, & it's pretty humbling to realize that if we're not having a "good worship time" that it isn't God's fault...it's ours! The problem is never with Him, it is always with us. WE are the ones that need to get our priorities straight, because He is perfect & we are so not. If we don't like something about the way worship is done in church, perhaps we need an attitude adjustment. We should be examining ourselves & offering our praise to HIM, instead of expecting to get fulfillment for ourselves. It has nothing to do with us. Also, side note--before class started Kal said that the word I brought yesterday was really good, & that was encouraging.

Music Theory & Ear Training were okay. I hate intervals.

Worship teams were different today...I didn't get to play, but the other team actually led us in worship for the first time & it was awesome. Probably one of the best worship times I've had since I've been here...or ever, for that matter. Kal put out a microphone to encourage those of us who weren't in the band today to sing or pray out. Lydia brought a beautiful song about how no matter where we are or what we are doing, God has us by the hand. Right after she sang I opened my eyes & saw Kate approaching the mic & my mind was screaming, "PLEASE GOD, PLEASE MAKE HER SING!" Kate's biggest struggle this year has been singing out. She's been really intimidated by the others that have brought songs during worship, & so as soon as she opened her mouth to sing, I could not hold back, I totally just shouted out praise & thanks to God & I was jumping up & down celebrating...I was so proud of her I actually cried! She sounded great & her song was totally relevant & amazing. I loved it! After school we went to Taco Bell to celebrate because she had been fasting today...she didn't know why, until after she sang out, so she was allowed to eat again after she accomplished what she needed to. :o)

I think that about wraps up today...people are coming over tonight to watch Psych. Anyone want to buy me season 2? Haha. Just kidding. No, really. I would let you, if you wanted to.

Suffering.

Church today was great. During worship I even brought a word to the whole congregation. We've been reading in Acts this week, & I was reminded of chapter 2 where it talks about the fellowship of the believers, & how they came together to listen to the apostles' teachings, break bread, & pray together, & how they were all in awe of God's power & had "everything in common." And it kept nagging in my mind all through worship, when I realized that God was putting it on my heart to share it, not think about it myself. So I grabbed my Bible & went to Joel who was leading the meeting today & told him what God was showing me. He agreed that it was good & so I shared with the whole church that I felt like God was calling us to be like those new believers & be in awe of His power & worship Him through prayer & teaching & breaking bread, because we have EVERYTHING in common through Him, no matter who we are or where we are from. It was kind of scary, but I felt really good knowing that God was able to speak through me.

Scott did the teaching today on suffering, & I wonder if it's to prepare me. God has revealed some incredible things to me this week, but I'm going to have to remind myself every day to be patient, & not to worry about what could happen, & wait on God's timing. I know He will work it out in a way that glorifies Him, but I know there will be suffering too. That was one of Scott's main points today--suffering is NEVER about us, it's always about something bigger. The devil & God are waging war over each of us every day. When the enemy DOES get to us, we can choose to glorify God by praising Him anyway, or we can curse God & the enemy wins. Look at Job...God allowed the devil to test him because He had confidence in Job's faith. When He allows us to be tested, maybe it's because He's confident in our faith. God's purpose will always show through at the end of our suffering. We can't avoid it, it's a part of life...& we need to trust God in WHO HE IS during those times, even when we ask why & He doesn't give us an answer. Such an amazing revelation!

I've finished all my homework for the weekend except for a 250-word essay...I think I'll do that tonight when I can focus on something other than football in the next room. I'm starting to understand intervals in Music Theory...diatonic ones anyway. Still not a fan of that class.

Bethany is coming over in a bit...I'm excited to spend time with her, we always have good chats.

Pray that I will continue to have peace with what God is showing me, & that I will have patience & continue to learn to let go.

EDIT: Someone awesome showed me this verse yesterday...I think it perfectly sums up my life right now: Philippians 4:6-7: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

In Love.

So, I'm pretty much in love with God. It's amazing. Ever since yesterday He has completely given me a heart for nothing but Him. I woke up this morning totally ready for school & for worship. I was getting ready for school & I was just totally in a good mood, so I started just thanking God out loud for all the things He's done for me just this week...by the end of it I was seriously, like, euphoric. That's the only word I can think to describe it. I got to school & I was just in SUCH a good mood, within 5 minutes everyone was like, "what is WRONG with you?!?!" Haha. I think they all think I've lost my mind. I guess I kind of have, in a way. ANYWAY, so worship was amazing. Chris led, & we sang All To You by The Spark. Look them up on iTunes & buy their album, not even kidding. Anyway, it was just such an awesome, anointed time of praise. Have you ever just shouted out praise to God? If you haven't, DO IT. Just shout to the Lord. Literally. It is so freeing to celebrate Him!

We had Stewardship In Life with Kal after that, & of course any class with Kal is a good time. Every time I write about his classes I think the word "freak" shows up somewhere... After SIL we had Bible Review with Tim. We were in Exodus talking about the plagues, which I love. Am I sick? Haha, seriously though, I wrote a paper on the plagues in my World Religion class in college...it was a great paper, but I didn't score that well on it because it was "too Christian"...oh wow, tangent. SO, it was awesome going through all those, but in the meantime God showed me two MORE verses about His jealousy...Deuteronomy chapter 4 & Exodus 20...it just completely reaffirms what He's been telling me about giving everything up to Him. I'M SO FREAKING EXCITED ABOUT GOD. I have no idea how else to describe it! I just want to completely give my life to Him & not focus on anything else, but I want it to be permanent. I've realized that I don't need anyone else to determine my worth. The Creator of the whole universe is jealous for MY heart! Wow. Mind=blown. Haha.

Drum lesson was good, jazz still sucks.

TGIF. I have to go spend some time with Jesus now.

Jealous.

Man I am missing days left & right! I suck at this. Haha.

Today was RIDICULOUS. In a good way though. We started our Prophetic Worship class with Teresa & I can already tell that she's really going to push us to draw closer to God & hear His voice & use the gifts He's given us. It's going to be amazing. Today she was talking about thankfulness, & how she's seen even clinically depressed people healed simply by thanking God for everything that's good in their lives daily. It's so easy to say, "Oh thank you God for everything you do," without being specific, but if we say, "Thank you God for the fact that I'm alive today! Thank you that I have a roof over my head & food to eat & people that love me..." & on & on, we truly REALIZE the amazing things He's done for us when we speak them out! Well, after I prayed out today Kate came over & prayed for me, & something she said stood out in my mind...she said God is jealous for my heart. And I've heard that from more than one person since I've been here, but didn't REALLY know what it meant. I'm letting go of things, what else am I supposed to do?

So today I really felt God compelling me to do my Bible reading, at a certain time. I open up to Exodus...& see this, chapter 34, verse 14: "Do not worship any other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God." And God SPOKE to me in that instant & said that I've asked for answers, but He isn't going to give me all the answers yet. First I have to devote myself to Him & let go of EVERYTHING & be completely immersed in Him before He will allow me to give my heart to anyone else. Wow. That is totally what I needed. He's been revealing some amazing things to me today...it's been some good time with the Lord, let's leave it at that. Otherwise I'll be here writing all night.

After lunch we had Theory & Ear Training. Need I say more? Worship teams were good...we split teams today & it was nice to have a smaller, more intimate setting. I tried some new things today too, & messed up alot, but I can feel improvement. Love it.

And now I need to go do some more Bible reading & praying.

I Missed A Day!

Oh no! I just realized I didn't blog yesterday! I suppose you haven't missed much, it was the first day of normal scheduling (no more V&C), which meant Ear Training & Music Theory. I know these are going to be the two classes I hate most. So far it hasn't been TOO bad, but it's definitely hard work. I just keep telling myself that at the end of the year I will be a freaking pro at anything music-related. Haha.

Today was AWESOME. I think tuesdays will be my favorite. First of all worship was incredible. I love having days where God is really just THERE & He's speaking to each of us individually & as a group in so many ways. After that we had shortened Exploring Worship (worship ran 30 minutes long), followed by Worship Leading Teams with Teresa! I'm going to love that class. She played us a worship song she wrote that none of us had heard before, just singing & playing piano. Then she had each of us write & discuss our own parts, memorize them, & then play the song together. The whole process took about an hour & a half, but it was awesome. I've never approached a song like that, usually I just have to play what they tell me to. After lunch we had Songwriting...where my Skillet fan...ness...was brought out into the open thanks to lovely Kal. We've been discussing parts of songs (verse, chorus, bridge, intro/outro, etc.) & listening to examples of songs that demonstrate good use of whatever particular part we're discussing. He gives us a list, & then we'll pick one or two to listen to off that list. So he says, "Have you all heard of the band Skillet? I mean, some people have no idea who they are, & some of you know maybe one or two songs, & then there's Cara." Thanks Kal. Haha. NOW everyone will think I'm a freak! Just kidding.

Worship teams are going well, though it's still somewhat intimidating to try & follow Kelly...it's hard to play right after someone, especially when they're better than you, because you hear what they played & want to play it, but your ability just isn't there yet. I've been staying late after school & practicing a bit though & I can feel myself improving, which is so cool. I love feeling that sense of accomplishment of coming up with a beat in my head & then actually being able to reproduce it on the kit. I feel like I'm getting stronger, too...playing alot is teaching me to hit harder. Love it.

Okay, I'm off to dinner with Stef. Should be good times, we haven't gotten to hang out in awhile.

Oh, PS...Sorry if I've sort of dropped off the map (not returning phone calls, facebook messages, emails, etc.)...I'm really trying, but things have just been getting busier & busier, & usually downtime consists of homework. So it isn't that I don't love ya'll, I'm just crazy busy at the mo! Don't let it keep you from sending me encouraging words, it means alot!

October?!

I can't believe it's October 2! What the heck, where did last month go?!

Today was fairly uneventful. Worship was GREAT this morning. I woke up feeling kind of blah & unmotivated, but it's amazing how God takes that away as soon as I put my mind into praising Him. I love morning worship. We had Exploring Worship with Kal, filled with tangents about the commode & dance troupes, followed by Bible Review with Tim. I'm pretty sure that the stories of Joseph & Moses are two of the most amazing stories in the Bible. You look at all the crazy stuff they went through & how they gave credit to God & trusted Him the whole time...wow. I can only pray for such faith.

Had a drum lesson today...we're working on jazz at the mo, & MAN does it suck. It's going to be great for me in the long run because it teaches independence amongst all 4 limbs, but it's freaking hard. It's like you have to divide your brain & your ears into 4 quadrants & focus equally on each. SUCK. Haha. But as frustrating as it is I know it will be good for me. It helped that I was warmed up...I did about a half hour of solid playing at the building before I left for my lesson.

Spent some time with Stef & Kelly at Common Grounds & had a delicious brownie & some thought-provoking conversation. Later the girls are headed to Kimmy's for a girl's nite, should be a good time.

As always, thanks to everyone praying for me. I can feel it.

Student/Teacher Meeting.

It was SO NICE to sleep in today! Haha...Kate had her appointment at 11 & I had mine at 11:30. It was basically just to find out where we're at & how school is going & all that. We should be starting discipleship programs pretty soon, & I'm excited about that...they asked if there is anyone that I've met in the church yet that I've felt a connection to that I may want to be mentored by, & I said Kim (JL's wife)...I'm not sure if she would be willing or not, but just from hearing her testimony I really feel like I want to talk to her more. So I have no idea if it will end up being her or not, but I know God will provide me with someone totally perfect for my needs. They were asking about what sort of things I would want to get out of a discipleship, & I definitely want to get rid of my habit of WORRYING about EVERYTHING. Kal asked me if I thought I was more of a pessimist or an optimist, & I said optimist...then he said, "Well that's one thing I've noticed, obviously I don't know you that well yet but you seem to have a really even personality...the type of person that someone could come to with an issue & trust you to offer encouragement & you would be able to have words for them & speak the truth." That really meant alot coming from someone who doesn't know me really well yet. Kimmy added that the word I brought during worship a couple of weeks ago about unity was right on. She was like, "I was just listening to it & thinking, 'wow, this is so RIGHT ON, she's really going for it!' I just couldn't believe you brought such a powerful word so soon, so I really want to encourage you in that!" That made me happy.

After the meeting Kate & Kimmy & I walked to the Daily Dose for lunch. I had the best chicken caesar salad of my life. Not even kidding. I love that place, the food is awesome & not even that expensive! We also went to Target where I bought ANOTHER pair of warm fuzzy boots (I had to have brown ones AND black ones, okay?!) & some other essentials, & now I must avoid Target like the plague for about a month, lest I spend all my money there.

Can I just say, I have the best host family ever? Larry (my "dad") jumped my car for me this evening & then drove it around to charge it up & ALSO filled up my tank! I offered to pay him back but he wouldn't let me. I seriously couldn't ask for a better family while I'm here. Except that Kate girl I share a room with. Ugh. ;o) Just kidding, I absolutely love my roommate to pieces. We are totally the same in all the right ways but different enough that we actually have interesting conversation. Haha. Having said that, she is IMing me from across the room to watch some video...so...the end.