Deliverance.

The theme for worship this morning turned into deliverance. Bethany & Kimmy were leading, & Bethany brought a word about how we in this country don't understand God's deliverance because we don't really have to ask for it. And it's so true! He blesses us tremendously, so much that we take it for granted. It kind of went with the theme of suffering from the teaching yesterday...now I'm REALLY wondering if God is trying to prepare me for something. Whatever it is, I'm going to praise God anyway.

Exploring Worship was good today. We've been focusing on our responsibilities as worshipers the last couple of classes, & it's pretty humbling to realize that if we're not having a "good worship time" that it isn't God's fault...it's ours! The problem is never with Him, it is always with us. WE are the ones that need to get our priorities straight, because He is perfect & we are so not. If we don't like something about the way worship is done in church, perhaps we need an attitude adjustment. We should be examining ourselves & offering our praise to HIM, instead of expecting to get fulfillment for ourselves. It has nothing to do with us. Also, side note--before class started Kal said that the word I brought yesterday was really good, & that was encouraging.

Music Theory & Ear Training were okay. I hate intervals.

Worship teams were different today...I didn't get to play, but the other team actually led us in worship for the first time & it was awesome. Probably one of the best worship times I've had since I've been here...or ever, for that matter. Kal put out a microphone to encourage those of us who weren't in the band today to sing or pray out. Lydia brought a beautiful song about how no matter where we are or what we are doing, God has us by the hand. Right after she sang I opened my eyes & saw Kate approaching the mic & my mind was screaming, "PLEASE GOD, PLEASE MAKE HER SING!" Kate's biggest struggle this year has been singing out. She's been really intimidated by the others that have brought songs during worship, & so as soon as she opened her mouth to sing, I could not hold back, I totally just shouted out praise & thanks to God & I was jumping up & down celebrating...I was so proud of her I actually cried! She sounded great & her song was totally relevant & amazing. I loved it! After school we went to Taco Bell to celebrate because she had been fasting today...she didn't know why, until after she sang out, so she was allowed to eat again after she accomplished what she needed to. :o)

I think that about wraps up today...people are coming over tonight to watch Psych. Anyone want to buy me season 2? Haha. Just kidding. No, really. I would let you, if you wanted to.

Suffering.

Church today was great. During worship I even brought a word to the whole congregation. We've been reading in Acts this week, & I was reminded of chapter 2 where it talks about the fellowship of the believers, & how they came together to listen to the apostles' teachings, break bread, & pray together, & how they were all in awe of God's power & had "everything in common." And it kept nagging in my mind all through worship, when I realized that God was putting it on my heart to share it, not think about it myself. So I grabbed my Bible & went to Joel who was leading the meeting today & told him what God was showing me. He agreed that it was good & so I shared with the whole church that I felt like God was calling us to be like those new believers & be in awe of His power & worship Him through prayer & teaching & breaking bread, because we have EVERYTHING in common through Him, no matter who we are or where we are from. It was kind of scary, but I felt really good knowing that God was able to speak through me.

Scott did the teaching today on suffering, & I wonder if it's to prepare me. God has revealed some incredible things to me this week, but I'm going to have to remind myself every day to be patient, & not to worry about what could happen, & wait on God's timing. I know He will work it out in a way that glorifies Him, but I know there will be suffering too. That was one of Scott's main points today--suffering is NEVER about us, it's always about something bigger. The devil & God are waging war over each of us every day. When the enemy DOES get to us, we can choose to glorify God by praising Him anyway, or we can curse God & the enemy wins. Look at Job...God allowed the devil to test him because He had confidence in Job's faith. When He allows us to be tested, maybe it's because He's confident in our faith. God's purpose will always show through at the end of our suffering. We can't avoid it, it's a part of life...& we need to trust God in WHO HE IS during those times, even when we ask why & He doesn't give us an answer. Such an amazing revelation!

I've finished all my homework for the weekend except for a 250-word essay...I think I'll do that tonight when I can focus on something other than football in the next room. I'm starting to understand intervals in Music Theory...diatonic ones anyway. Still not a fan of that class.

Bethany is coming over in a bit...I'm excited to spend time with her, we always have good chats.

Pray that I will continue to have peace with what God is showing me, & that I will have patience & continue to learn to let go.

EDIT: Someone awesome showed me this verse yesterday...I think it perfectly sums up my life right now: Philippians 4:6-7: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

In Love.

So, I'm pretty much in love with God. It's amazing. Ever since yesterday He has completely given me a heart for nothing but Him. I woke up this morning totally ready for school & for worship. I was getting ready for school & I was just totally in a good mood, so I started just thanking God out loud for all the things He's done for me just this week...by the end of it I was seriously, like, euphoric. That's the only word I can think to describe it. I got to school & I was just in SUCH a good mood, within 5 minutes everyone was like, "what is WRONG with you?!?!" Haha. I think they all think I've lost my mind. I guess I kind of have, in a way. ANYWAY, so worship was amazing. Chris led, & we sang All To You by The Spark. Look them up on iTunes & buy their album, not even kidding. Anyway, it was just such an awesome, anointed time of praise. Have you ever just shouted out praise to God? If you haven't, DO IT. Just shout to the Lord. Literally. It is so freeing to celebrate Him!

We had Stewardship In Life with Kal after that, & of course any class with Kal is a good time. Every time I write about his classes I think the word "freak" shows up somewhere... After SIL we had Bible Review with Tim. We were in Exodus talking about the plagues, which I love. Am I sick? Haha, seriously though, I wrote a paper on the plagues in my World Religion class in college...it was a great paper, but I didn't score that well on it because it was "too Christian"...oh wow, tangent. SO, it was awesome going through all those, but in the meantime God showed me two MORE verses about His jealousy...Deuteronomy chapter 4 & Exodus 20...it just completely reaffirms what He's been telling me about giving everything up to Him. I'M SO FREAKING EXCITED ABOUT GOD. I have no idea how else to describe it! I just want to completely give my life to Him & not focus on anything else, but I want it to be permanent. I've realized that I don't need anyone else to determine my worth. The Creator of the whole universe is jealous for MY heart! Wow. Mind=blown. Haha.

Drum lesson was good, jazz still sucks.

TGIF. I have to go spend some time with Jesus now.

Jealous.

Man I am missing days left & right! I suck at this. Haha.

Today was RIDICULOUS. In a good way though. We started our Prophetic Worship class with Teresa & I can already tell that she's really going to push us to draw closer to God & hear His voice & use the gifts He's given us. It's going to be amazing. Today she was talking about thankfulness, & how she's seen even clinically depressed people healed simply by thanking God for everything that's good in their lives daily. It's so easy to say, "Oh thank you God for everything you do," without being specific, but if we say, "Thank you God for the fact that I'm alive today! Thank you that I have a roof over my head & food to eat & people that love me..." & on & on, we truly REALIZE the amazing things He's done for us when we speak them out! Well, after I prayed out today Kate came over & prayed for me, & something she said stood out in my mind...she said God is jealous for my heart. And I've heard that from more than one person since I've been here, but didn't REALLY know what it meant. I'm letting go of things, what else am I supposed to do?

So today I really felt God compelling me to do my Bible reading, at a certain time. I open up to Exodus...& see this, chapter 34, verse 14: "Do not worship any other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God." And God SPOKE to me in that instant & said that I've asked for answers, but He isn't going to give me all the answers yet. First I have to devote myself to Him & let go of EVERYTHING & be completely immersed in Him before He will allow me to give my heart to anyone else. Wow. That is totally what I needed. He's been revealing some amazing things to me today...it's been some good time with the Lord, let's leave it at that. Otherwise I'll be here writing all night.

After lunch we had Theory & Ear Training. Need I say more? Worship teams were good...we split teams today & it was nice to have a smaller, more intimate setting. I tried some new things today too, & messed up alot, but I can feel improvement. Love it.

And now I need to go do some more Bible reading & praying.

I Missed A Day!

Oh no! I just realized I didn't blog yesterday! I suppose you haven't missed much, it was the first day of normal scheduling (no more V&C), which meant Ear Training & Music Theory. I know these are going to be the two classes I hate most. So far it hasn't been TOO bad, but it's definitely hard work. I just keep telling myself that at the end of the year I will be a freaking pro at anything music-related. Haha.

Today was AWESOME. I think tuesdays will be my favorite. First of all worship was incredible. I love having days where God is really just THERE & He's speaking to each of us individually & as a group in so many ways. After that we had shortened Exploring Worship (worship ran 30 minutes long), followed by Worship Leading Teams with Teresa! I'm going to love that class. She played us a worship song she wrote that none of us had heard before, just singing & playing piano. Then she had each of us write & discuss our own parts, memorize them, & then play the song together. The whole process took about an hour & a half, but it was awesome. I've never approached a song like that, usually I just have to play what they tell me to. After lunch we had Songwriting...where my Skillet fan...ness...was brought out into the open thanks to lovely Kal. We've been discussing parts of songs (verse, chorus, bridge, intro/outro, etc.) & listening to examples of songs that demonstrate good use of whatever particular part we're discussing. He gives us a list, & then we'll pick one or two to listen to off that list. So he says, "Have you all heard of the band Skillet? I mean, some people have no idea who they are, & some of you know maybe one or two songs, & then there's Cara." Thanks Kal. Haha. NOW everyone will think I'm a freak! Just kidding.

Worship teams are going well, though it's still somewhat intimidating to try & follow Kelly...it's hard to play right after someone, especially when they're better than you, because you hear what they played & want to play it, but your ability just isn't there yet. I've been staying late after school & practicing a bit though & I can feel myself improving, which is so cool. I love feeling that sense of accomplishment of coming up with a beat in my head & then actually being able to reproduce it on the kit. I feel like I'm getting stronger, too...playing alot is teaching me to hit harder. Love it.

Okay, I'm off to dinner with Stef. Should be good times, we haven't gotten to hang out in awhile.

Oh, PS...Sorry if I've sort of dropped off the map (not returning phone calls, facebook messages, emails, etc.)...I'm really trying, but things have just been getting busier & busier, & usually downtime consists of homework. So it isn't that I don't love ya'll, I'm just crazy busy at the mo! Don't let it keep you from sending me encouraging words, it means alot!

October?!

I can't believe it's October 2! What the heck, where did last month go?!

Today was fairly uneventful. Worship was GREAT this morning. I woke up feeling kind of blah & unmotivated, but it's amazing how God takes that away as soon as I put my mind into praising Him. I love morning worship. We had Exploring Worship with Kal, filled with tangents about the commode & dance troupes, followed by Bible Review with Tim. I'm pretty sure that the stories of Joseph & Moses are two of the most amazing stories in the Bible. You look at all the crazy stuff they went through & how they gave credit to God & trusted Him the whole time...wow. I can only pray for such faith.

Had a drum lesson today...we're working on jazz at the mo, & MAN does it suck. It's going to be great for me in the long run because it teaches independence amongst all 4 limbs, but it's freaking hard. It's like you have to divide your brain & your ears into 4 quadrants & focus equally on each. SUCK. Haha. But as frustrating as it is I know it will be good for me. It helped that I was warmed up...I did about a half hour of solid playing at the building before I left for my lesson.

Spent some time with Stef & Kelly at Common Grounds & had a delicious brownie & some thought-provoking conversation. Later the girls are headed to Kimmy's for a girl's nite, should be a good time.

As always, thanks to everyone praying for me. I can feel it.

Student/Teacher Meeting.

It was SO NICE to sleep in today! Haha...Kate had her appointment at 11 & I had mine at 11:30. It was basically just to find out where we're at & how school is going & all that. We should be starting discipleship programs pretty soon, & I'm excited about that...they asked if there is anyone that I've met in the church yet that I've felt a connection to that I may want to be mentored by, & I said Kim (JL's wife)...I'm not sure if she would be willing or not, but just from hearing her testimony I really feel like I want to talk to her more. So I have no idea if it will end up being her or not, but I know God will provide me with someone totally perfect for my needs. They were asking about what sort of things I would want to get out of a discipleship, & I definitely want to get rid of my habit of WORRYING about EVERYTHING. Kal asked me if I thought I was more of a pessimist or an optimist, & I said optimist...then he said, "Well that's one thing I've noticed, obviously I don't know you that well yet but you seem to have a really even personality...the type of person that someone could come to with an issue & trust you to offer encouragement & you would be able to have words for them & speak the truth." That really meant alot coming from someone who doesn't know me really well yet. Kimmy added that the word I brought during worship a couple of weeks ago about unity was right on. She was like, "I was just listening to it & thinking, 'wow, this is so RIGHT ON, she's really going for it!' I just couldn't believe you brought such a powerful word so soon, so I really want to encourage you in that!" That made me happy.

After the meeting Kate & Kimmy & I walked to the Daily Dose for lunch. I had the best chicken caesar salad of my life. Not even kidding. I love that place, the food is awesome & not even that expensive! We also went to Target where I bought ANOTHER pair of warm fuzzy boots (I had to have brown ones AND black ones, okay?!) & some other essentials, & now I must avoid Target like the plague for about a month, lest I spend all my money there.

Can I just say, I have the best host family ever? Larry (my "dad") jumped my car for me this evening & then drove it around to charge it up & ALSO filled up my tank! I offered to pay him back but he wouldn't let me. I seriously couldn't ask for a better family while I'm here. Except that Kate girl I share a room with. Ugh. ;o) Just kidding, I absolutely love my roommate to pieces. We are totally the same in all the right ways but different enough that we actually have interesting conversation. Haha. Having said that, she is IMing me from across the room to watch some video...so...the end.