Prophecy.

I don't even know where to start.

Today we had more prayer in the afternoon. I was praying that I would get to be prayed over today, because I knew we weren't going to have time for everyone...& I've been looking forward to this day since the first meeting of staff & students at our house. They prayed over Dan, Katelyn, & John (& I had more words for John...so cool!), then we took a short break. During the break, a lady I hadn't met yet came over & introduced herself to me as Tracey. She said she was from the Racine church, & asked if I had been prayed over yet. I said no, & she said, "Good. You've been on my heart since the moment I walked into the room." I commented to Kate that I hoped I would be next because I wanted to hear what she had to say, & Kate said, "You're going next. I just know."

So we started up again with a bit of worship, & I had my eyes closed praying that Kate was right & when I opened them I saw Teresa looking right at me & all she said was, "Cara." So I went to the center of the room with all my fellow students & all the elders of the church & Kal & Teresa standing round. Teresa laid one hand on me & almost instantly began to cry. I was a little taken aback by it...nothing had even happened yet. But I closed my eyes & bowed my head & within moments I felt a hand on the top of my head & heard Gary say, "You have come into this year with preconceived ideas of what it would be like. But it will be even BETTER than you imagine. If you could just see what God has planned for you, it would blow your mind." I couldn't believe it, it was like he saw right into my heart, & I just burst into tears. For the next twenty minutes people came forward to pray & prophesy over me. I've been somewhat skeptical of prophecy in the past...I've never doubted it could be a real gift, but some words I had heard before just seemed so general...like they could apply to anyone. Not so today. Every word out of every person's mouth for me hit me like a dagger to the heart. How can these people who don't know me (some who had never met me before today) KNOW things that I have thought & struggled with on my own, things that NONE of them could have possibly known. The only explanation is God told them. Just when I thought that I had pulled myself together & would stop crying, someone ELSE would come forward with something that cut me to the core. Lisa, a girl who did the school a couple of years ago (who I talked to once for maybe 5 minutes) came forward in tears & read me the Psalm that my favorite worship song in the world was written from. I was absolutely amazed at all of the amazing things God showed me through these incredible people. Each word that everyone had for me was recorded, & I should get the audio of it soon, so when I do I will write about it in more detail & exact quotes.

Sorry this blog is so jumbled, but that's kind of how my emotions are right now. I can't wait to see what this year has for me.

Lordship.

Today JL did V&C on Lordship. He brought up the point that it's interesting how people say, "Oh I tried Christianity once, it didn't really work out for me"...more like, you became a Christian because you thought you could have Jesus as your servant to fix your problems? WE are to be HIS servants, He is to be the Lord of our lives. The Bible refers to Jesus as Lord over 7,000 times, whereas it refers to him as Savior only 30-some times. I think that paints a pretty clear picture. JL began talking about what we have to give up when we become Christians...how for him it was 2 good friends & a life of partying, but God blessed him with HUNDREDS of friends even closer than the 2 he had to give up to walk with Christ. It occurred to me then...I have been so worried about what God MIGHT make me give up...I never stopped to listen. He hasn't asked me to give up those things. Maybe He will at some point, but He hasn't yet. So why am I worrying? Because I'm good at worrying. But while we were talking about it in V&C God just kind of said, "What are you worried for? Have I asked you to give that up? If I brought it to you, why would I take it away with no explanation?" It seems like a silly thing, but it was a major revelation for me. So now my prayer is to be still, & be patient, & surrender everything to Him...if He asks me to give up those things I've been fearing, we'll cross that bridge when we get there. I felt much more peace about it after that.

I found out today that I won't be getting my private lessons with Lori. I'm not as disappointed about this as I thought I would be...a bit bummed, but I trust that God has it figured out, & I know that I'll learn alot from whoever I get lessons from. So I'm okay with that. And that's not even to say that I might not get to take one or two lessons from her still. Who knows. God's got it worked out how it's supposed to be, so I'm not going to bother myself with it.

After lunch the elders & some other church members came in to pray & prophesy over each of us. We only got through 7 out of 17 students today, so we will continue tomorrow. It's really awesome to hear the giftings that some of these people have. There is no doubt in my mind that they are real & sincere. I even got words for someone today! I thought to myself early on, "Wouldn't it be cool to be able to tell someone something that God is saying? I'd love to have some kind of word for at least one person." And then I didn't think of it again. But while Josh was being prayed over, I thought, "Wouldn't it be strange if someone said 1 Peter 2:11 ("Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.") when they were praying over me?" I know that verse by heart, but sometimes forget the reference. Today it came to me clearly, & I wondered if I was supposed to speak up. I wrestled with it for a minute & decided not to say anything, because my wimpy verse didn't seem to compare to the amazing revelations others had for him. But after I decided I wouldn't, I had an image in my mind...not so much clear words, like God clearly laid them out one by one, but suddenly it came to me. So I went forward & told Josh that that verse had been put on my heart, & that I wasn't going to say it, but felt God pushing me to speak up & tell him that God DOES care for him, & that he needs to cast all his anxiety on Him because even when Josh might not feel he's strong enough to bear the burden, God is there & he IS strong enough. It was short & sweet but I could see that it meant something.

What I said to Josh applies to me as well. I need to let go of my worry & anxiety...I think that is what God has been calling me to give up for years now. But for some reason I hold on. I want to let it go.

Pleasant Prairie.

Last night we had a bonfire at our house. It was fun...but late into the evening I just started feeling...strange. I felt really unsocial & just exhausted. I don't know what was wrong with me. In the middle of everything, all of those people...I just felt alone. We had prayer time over Josh right before everyone left, & everyone felt a heaviness, like the air had changed. I really wonder if it was the enemy trying to attack us. He can't be too happy that we've all come together here to praise God & come closer to Him. He wants to isolate us from each other & cause doubt in our minds. But not this time. We're going to stand together through all of this.

This morning I went to the church meeting (they call them meetings here instead of services, btw) at Pleasant Prairie. Let me back up...Gary (elder from LLCC Pleasant Prairie) & Ian (elder from LLCC Kenosha) have been fighting over which congregation I would be in. It went back & forth & back & forth, but it was looking like I'd end up in Kenosha. Then on friday Ian randomly announced at the end of class that I would be in Pleasant Prairie. I was slightly disappointed, just because I've been to the Kenosha church & loved it, & my friend Heidi (who isn't on the school) goes there. But I figured there must be a reason & decided to just ride it out. The PP congregation meets in a rec center, & the acoustics are bad in there, so I was incredibly distracted by all the kids there during worship. It was almost drowning out the music for me. I'm sure they weren't that loud, but between the echo-y room & my dislike of children to begin with, it just sounded like a bunch of noise. And I found myself thinking, "God why did you put me HERE? I'll never be able to worship like this!" But Gary did the teaching & I really enjoyed it, so I figured maybe it wouldn't be so bad, especially considering I'll be getting good, personal worship 5 other days out of the week at school.

After the meeting was over, one of the members invited everyone from SOW & some other people over for lunch. I met a bunch more new people whose names I probably won't remember until they tell me ten more times. John & Dan & I agreed that it's been a bit overwhelming trying to figure out who everyone is & remember them. Anyway, at one point Gary came & sat down near me & I said, "So you won the battle over where I would end up, hey?" He said, "Yeah, you know, funny thing is, we had decided you were going to Kenosha. And then that day in school when I prayed for you, afterwards I went to Ian & said, 'I'm sorry Ian, I know we decided she was going to Kenosha, but I have to have her at Pleasant Prairie.' I was actually to the point of trading other students to get you here, that's how strongly I felt about it. After I prayed over you I just felt that it was where God wanted you to be." Well, can't argue with God. I actually felt much better after hearing him say that. At least now I know there is a purpose for where I've ended up, it wasn't just a random switch, & this is where God placed me.

The rest of today has been uneventful...I think Kate & I are going to Common Grounds to do our daily Bible reading/application. Then early to bed for school tomorrow.

EDIT - Thanks to those that have been leaving comments! I love to know that you all are reading!

The Holy Spirit.

Okay this will probably be kind of controversial. Because I suck at explaining things. Today Ian did V&C, the chapter on the Holy Sprit. Let me start by saying that I was raised to believe in the Trinity & that you are filled with the Holy Spirit at the time you are born again. Let me be clear at the start that I still believe this to be true.

Having said that, here we go.

First Ian talked about the Trinity & highlighted several passages of Scripture where it clearly addresses the idea of the Father, Son & Holy Spirit all being the same "person." Even though the word Trinity is never used, it is very obviously implied. From there we got on to the big stuff. Ian explained through his own testimony that he believed basically what I stated above, but that he was challenged by one of his Christian friends to seek the Holy Spirit in the more personal way that it's described in the Bible. He talked about how he felt so insufficient when he would pray about how "awesome" or "great" or "amazing" God was, because we use all of those words on a daily basis to describe other things. Well, you can't really describe God accurately in the way of anything else...so for him personally, that is the purpose of speaking in tongues. He was very clear that Living Light does NOT believe that you must speak in tongues to be a born again Christian or even to be filled with the Holy Spirit, but that it is the most common of the spiritual gifts...which obviously poses the question, couldn't you just fake it? Sure! But that's between each individual & God. I've never heard it presented in quite that way & it made sense to me. There have been times where I've literally been at a loss for words in prayer.

I remember a couple of years ago at a Flyleaf concert I recommitted my life to God, & since then things in my life have definitely changed. I think from that point on God challenged me to seek Him in a deeper, more personal way than I have in the past. After Ian finished V&C we had a prayer session. I was sitting on the ground praying & was suddenly overcome by that same emotion that I felt at the Flyleaf concert. Shortly after I felt someone lean over me & place a hand on the top of my head & I recognized Gary's voice as he began praying for me. After his prayer, he said, "You're safe, Cara. God knows your fears & your doubts & your insecurities about what you have to give up this year. You can give it to Him in confidence. You're safe." I just burst into tears. It was like this huge weight off my chest to hear that. God has been challenging everyone in our class to let go of our lives & turn them completely to Him. It's hard & it's scary, but it's so worth it.

As if THAT wasn't emotional enough, we finished out student testimonies today. Wow. It's very clear that God has each of us here for a reason.

It's been an emotionally exhausting day, but I loved it. This doesn't even begin to describe it all...I feel God breaking me apart from the inside & rebuilding me with no fear.

TGIF.

Testimonies.

Today we had the water baptism segment of V&C. How the heck did THAT get so messed up? I mean, the Bible clearly talks about how baptism is supposed to work...heard of the Great Commission? What's this sprinkling babies business? Haha. John (henceforth to be referred to as JL since there are so many Johns here!) did a great job explaining all that & how things got so twisted.

After lunch was dedicated solely to student testimonies. We were way ahead of schedule, so I went ahead & shared mine today. Like I said in my previous post, I never know what God is going to move me to say. I had it all planned out & then ended up saying something totally different. I told about when I got saved of course, & my accident, & my baptism, but then I randomly felt like I should talk about the musical influence Skillet has had in my life...so I talked about how I was raised in a pretty uptight Southern Baptist church & how we only ever sang hymns, so I was shocked at my first Skillet concert back in 2001 when the music was loud...& I liked it. And the worship was different than I had ever known...& I liked it. I felt kind of stupid sharing all that, considering most of Korey's family was in the room, but I felt that it was what God was leading me to say, so I went with it. Afterwards Carol came up to me & said that she appreciated me sharing that, so I didn't feel as awkward about it after that.

The thing I noticed about everyone's testimonies today was how...AMAZING...& real they were. I don't know what I was expecting, but man our God is good! It was incredible to hear what God has delivered/protected/spared them all from. I don't think there was a single testimony where I didn't tear up at all. John went right before me & it was kind of hard to follow that. He was so real & honest it was so encouraging, in a way. I feel so close to everyone already, but after hearing where everyone has come from & where they hope to go...I just feel like I've known these people forever. Kal even commented on that after worship this morning, that he has never seen a class come together so quickly. And this is the ninth year of the school. God definitely has huge things in store for us. Kal also talked about Godly sorrow & dying to ourselves...I really think that's what's happening with each of us, it's like every day I feel a little part of me change, & I know that I'm no longer concerned with myself but with God's Will for my life day to day.

Tomorrow we will get to hear the other half of our class' testimonies. Which means I need to get some sleep. Waking up at 6am hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be, but I don't want to push my luck...especially after Kate & I stayed up talking till 1am last night. But God is faithful & I didn't even feel tired once. Until right now. Goodnight.

The Glorious Gospel.

I definitely had a harder time getting out of my comfy bed this morning. Pray that that stops right now. I suspect it will only get harder the colder it gets out.

Today we had more testimonies from Gary & Karen (another of the elders & his wife), Gloria & Kimmy (teachers at the school), & Kate's grandparents, Don & Carol (who are also founders of Living Light along with Korey's parents).

After lunch we started the church's Vision & Commitment class with John (the "principal" of our school/apostolic leader of LLCC). Basically it's the class any new members would go through to learn exactly what they believe at Living Light. With the introduction he talked about how they believe what the Bible says with no exceptions. God's Word is always the final authority...whether or not we choose to believe it is our own issue. Basically, we need to have our foundations built on what the Bible says & what we have seen God do in our lives. John put it this way, God called us to be his witnesses, but what good are witnesses if they haven't seen anything? There are so many people that have the knowledge of the Bible, but we also need to share how we have seen God work in our own lives. And from THERE, what must we do in response to what we've seen/heard? Next he presented the Gospel simply because it was the next chapter of V&C. But WOW, I've never heard it presented so well I don't think. I don't know how anyone could hear it just as he presented it & NOT be convicted in some way. Half of our class was in tears by the end of it...pretty much everyone except me, Kate, & a few others. I started to feel kind of...left out? Kate & I were talking on the way home though, & agreed that neither of us has ever felt unsure of our salvation, so why act like God was moving something in us when we were already solid in our beliefs? It was good to hear that she felt the same way I did about it. It was very powerful though, & they decided to conclude class early (even though we still had Ian & Trefor's testimonies left).

Kal gave us the opportunity to spend some time alone before we left school, & for some reason I was drawn to 1 Peter 1:12. I'm not sure why. Or what that means. But I underlined it & made a note, so I'm hoping to come back to it later with some more clarity.

Tomorrow we start student testimonies...I have to share first on friday. I'm kind of nervous...not sure why. I was going to scratch out some notes but I think instead I'll just let God give me the words. I have a feeling I'll be sharing some things outside of my normal testimony, but I'm not sure quite what...so I figure it's best to just trust God to give me the words & not stress myself out over it.

First Day...Complete!

Obviously today was my first day to class. I woke up at 6am alot easier than I thought I would...any of you that know me well know I'm NOT a morning person, so it's pretty much by the grace of God that I picked up Filip & Hannah for school & made it there on time. Haha.

Today was solely testimonies from church/school staff, but it's awesome to hear where people are coming from & what God has done (& is continuing to do) in their lives. We heard testimonies from Tim & Carol (two of the original founders of Living Light), John & Kim (John is the apostolic leader of the church & Kim is his wife), Scott & Rhonda (one of the elders & his wife), & then our directors, Kal & Teresa. Teresa's was by far my favorite...I have a feeling about her...I like her alot already. She almost reminds me of an older version of me, & it's really encouraging to see what God has done with her & how He has spoken to her. She has incredible gifts in music, as well as spiritual gifts. From what little I know of her she is just an amazing person, & I have a feeling we will be talking much more in the near future.

This blog feels so short & uninformative...there were so many things I wanted to write about, too! I can't remember any of them at the mo because I'm so tired! Tomorrow I will take notes. Maybe. Haha.