Washing Feet...Take 2.

Today was really awesome. Worship this morning was great, & for Bible Review Gary had us split up into groups & read the passage where Jesus washes his disciples' feet, & then wash each others' feet. Now, this is the second time I've washed someone's feet, & the second time I've had my feet washed, & each time is a totally humbling experience & God never fails to speak incredibly profound things. It was me, Kate, & Hanna in a group, & we each washed each others' feet & then prayed & prophesied over one another. Kate & Hanna both prayed that my feet would be anointed to bring good news to those who have none, & that I will bring peace & authority in the dark places that I walk. I was SO encouraged by it, & there's one verse that I kept thinking of from Isaiah (Paul quotes it later in Romans as well): "How beautiful the feet are of those who bring good news." I totally want to get that tattooed on one foot, & the words "Peace" & "Authority" on the other foot. That way the blessing will always be there as a visible reminder of what God has called me to do. I want to do it soon...but I'm really scared it's going to hurt alot, so maybe I should pray for strength first. Haha.

Homegroup was good tonight, we discussed Scott's teaching in Racine on sunday. Scott is seriously the most gifted teacher I've ever had the privilege of hearing. He's also one of the most anointed teachers I've heard, because he holds his gift completely in surrender to God. He had intended to do a teaching he did in Pleasant Prairie several months ago, but since half of Pleasant Prairie was at Racine that day, he spent time during worship listening to & weighing the prophetic words that came, & asking God what he should speak about. He wrote an entirely new sermon in 40 minutes, & it was dead on with what God was speaking that day. It was absolutely incredible...& I got to thinking, no normal human being, good teacher or not, could pull something that great out of nowhere. He truly relies on God to use him in his gifting, & sets an incredible example of what it means to be submitted in EVERY area. I'd encourage all of you to listen to it if you get the chance.

Bed time.

Winding Down...

Things are starting to come to a close at SOW...nothing much new has been happening, but we're getting into the really difficult stuff in music classes now, which means more homework & less time. I'm not sure how much I'll be posting in the next few weeks, but I'll try to update with anything interesting/important that happens.

Speaking of music classes, I have to have a song completely written & perform it on May 4. This one has to be a corporate worship song...problem with that is that you can't really just MAKE good worship songs, they just have to be anointed. So I will have to spend alot of thought & prayer on this one...& I have exactly two weeks. Oh gosh. Just thinking about it makes my stomach turn a little, & I haven't even THOUGHT about music yet. If you want to pray for me, I'll let you. Haha.

This weekend I'm helping Serita with The Taste, & we don't have school on friday because we are going to Josh's church in Indiana for the weekend to lead a sort of worship course, so that should be fun. Not entirely sure what all that will entail yet, but it will be a nice change of scenery.

Man, looking back over this past year I am so grateful for everything that's happened. Even the really hard & sucky things, because I still see God's hand in it. He's got my back. He rescued me because He delights in me. It's going to be so weird for school to end...every time I'm about to enter a new season of life, I just think "I cannot IMAGINE what this is going to be like!" But the thing is, I think that's God's protection; He always ends up doing so much more than I even COULD have imagined. I don't feel like I'm ready yet for what's next...but I guess I never do. Luckily God knows what's next even better than I do, & He will reveal it to me on a need-to-know basis. And I am okay with that.

By the Grace of God, I am what I am.

Worship today was good...longer than usual, because Tim wasn't here to teach us Bible Review. Yesterday in Prophetic Worship, Teresa kind of had a theme of thankfulness going. We carried that over into the worship time today, & spent some time at the beginning of worship writing down all the things God has done in us this year. I could have filled an entire notebook with things I'm thankful to God for, honestly...but I kept it to two or three pages. Haha. Once we got into the worship time, I felt like I should flip through some of the Psalms. I landed on Psalm 121, specifically verses 7 & 8: "The LORD will keep you from all harm—he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore." It was printed on a bookmark in my Bible, a bookmark my Mom made for me to take to camp when I was a kid. And I just started thinking...when I was a kid, I couldn't even spend the night at my friends' houses, even just across the street. I don't even know why...I was just scared. Of what...who knows. Going away to camp for a week was a big deal. And I was just remembering how certain things, like staying away from home, used to just completely paralyze me with fear. I flipped to the front of the journal I've kept to write in during worship all year, & I read all about how I was worried about the future, & doubting whether I could hear God speak to me like everyone else seemed to be able to...fears. It completely hit me just how much God has actually delivered me from, & how much He has saved me. For the first time, I felt like I completely GOT what Paul meant when he said, "By the grace of God, I am what I am." I wrote a few more pages of what I was thankful for after that. Haha. It's just so amazing...I know I've changed, but I haven't seen it as much myself, so I asked God to show me. He is faithful every time.

Continuing in that same line of thought, at the beginning of the year Kal had us write out 5 goals & objectives for the year. Today in Stewardship In Life class he pulled them all out & reminded each of us of them. It was so cool to see how much people have changed; to see goals that have been met, goals that were unrealistic, goals that are still being worked on. We've all grown SO much, & it's just amazing to see tangible evidence of it.

After school I had a "drum lesson." I use quotes there because I never actually played. We spent the whole time tuning my snare just right & then discussing what we're going to learn in our last couple of lessons. Next week we're going to start working on double bass stuff, & I think over the summer I'm going to teach myself to play "Sometimes" by Skillet.

Going to bed earlyish tonight...I'm going to Chicago tomorrow with some other SOWers. Should be good fun, I haven't gotten to actually SEE Chicago. Goodnight all.

Context.

Today was really good. My team led worship this morning...I wouldn't go so far as to say it was a train wreck, but it was definitely a struggle today. Oh well, live & learn. We finished up chapter 7 of Pursuit of God with Kal, & had deep discussions about faith. It was good stuff.

Trefor taught Bible Review today out of the first 12 chapters of John. We dig into the context alot, it was actually really awesome. Some of the stuff he was talking about just gave me chills. For example, the way the Passover meal was done--there was a special kind of bread baked specifically for the Passover, & it was broken into sections at the table. One section was to be shared, & one section was placed at the head of the table with a cup of wine to represent the Messiah, that one day He would come & share the meal with them. So when Jesus sat down with His disciples, He took the bread & the wine from the head of the table & said, "This is MY body...This is MY blood." Wow. I wonder if the disciples realized the significance of what He was saying at the time? Or when He would quote Scripture & then say that what He had just spoken was at that moment being fulfilled. Did these people realize that what their entire religion, everything they were used to, was about to be completely turned upside down? Probably not. But wow...imagine if they had. I can't even imagine how those that did believe in Him must have felt upon witnessing those things.

Homegroup tonight...Trefor is going to come & do some teaching on evangelism. Should be good stuff.

This Is Important.

Spring break was amazing. I could have used a few more days of it though. Haha. Although, if it HAD been longer, I think my drumming would have massively suffered more than it already has...it's amazing how quickly you lose your stamina! Probably didn't help that I continued my "normal" eating habits (about 6 meals a day) without doing anything to work it off. Hahaha.

So, I know I haven't been posting much lately, & I will tell you why. This post is going to be very long, & very personal, but I hope that you will read all the way through to the end, because I believe that everything I've written in this blog so far has been leading up to this post.

The last month or so has been really intense on the school...seems like we've had double homework in addition to all the theology we're learning in the Bible/book classes. I know I've said it before, but if you haven't read God's Lavish Grace (Terry Virgo), Pursuit of God (A.W. Tozer), or Humility (Andrew Murray), DO IT! They will change your life. Anyway, right before break we all kind of started to think about what we're going to do when school finishes up. I've been praying about it & asking God for clarity, & He has spoken to me very clearly & specifically about the direction He wants to take my life.

It kind of all started in Cadillac when Gary & Amy Bigger prayed & prophesied over each of us individually. Gary had a word for me about how God is starting a new life for me, that everything I have known up to now is in the past, that He's going to start something completely new in me, & that I should carefully consider where I live & who I live with in the next season. I felt strongly that it was confirmation that I should not move back to Oklahoma. I love it there so much. I love being close to family, I love all my friends...I even loved my job. But I feel that if I move back home, it will be too easy to get complacent & not challenge myself to really use what I've learned here. Not that I could go back to living exactly how I did before, with the revelation I've received since I've been here, but it would be easy to get comfortable & not challenge myself to grow MORE. So I knew that I wasn't supposed to go back home...but then where would I live?

A few weeks before spring break, Kal did a teaching in our Stewardship In Life class about his own personal testimony in starting the school, & one thing he said that stuck with me is that for him, when he's trying to make a big decision, God is annoyingly silent. He will give a tiny corner of the picture, but sometimes He wants us to step out in faith, even if we don't know exactly where we're going or how to get there. That was really on my mind after class, & I thought, "Okay...what do I KNOW that God has spoken to me?" I thought about Gary Bigger's word, & figured, well, I know where I'm NOT supposed to go...I don't especially feel called to be anyplace specific...I know people here...so the logical thing to do would be to stay here in Kenosha & trust that God will give further direction as I need it. So, with that resolved, I decided to talk to Gary Rudd (the elder of my church) about my "plan." Gary listened with interest & was excited to hear that I would be staying, & he asked what else God has been speaking to me about. Some of you may remember that back in...November, I think?...I posted a blog about the movie "Taken" & how God had really put a burden on my heart for victims of sex slavery, but I had no idea what to do with it. Gary pointed out that the only type of jobs I could really get that would be involved with those people would be either law enforcement or social work...outside of starting a full-on ministry, anyway. So I went away from our meeting mulling over whether or not I would actually be able to do--or even WANT to do--those types of jobs. In the meantime, my Mom came to visit, & she mentioned that she had gotten something in the mail about some sort of online program for certification in counseling. I didn't think much of it at the time...but about a week later in class, God just spoke to me. I can't even remember exactly what He said, it's all kind of a blur...but it just hit me that I've always been really good at relating to people...& I have such compassion for people who are hurting...& those girls that are victims of trafficking, if they do escape somehow, well, they need someone to talk to right? I continued to think & pray on it for a few days...but it gets better.

The following sunday at church, Gary was talking about how we at Pleasant Prairie have a word over us that our church is to be a City of Refuge. That refugees have nowhere else to turn, & that we should welcome them in with compassion. And I had a flashback to the first week of school: Gary & Ian were debating on which church I should be placed in, & they had settled on putting me in Kenosha when Gary had a strong sense that I should be in Pleasant Prairie, that that was where God wanted me. And it all started coming together in my mind! The people I want to work with are refugees! Why WOULDN'T I be placed in a church that has a heart for refugees?! It was deep confirmation to me that I was on the right track, & I couldn't believe I hadn't seen it earlier. I immediately scheduled another meeting with Gary to tell him what God had showed me. He was incredibly encouraging, & as I was talking he just said, "You know, there is just such a beauty in the transformation that has happened in your life. I always love seeing students come here at the beginning of the year & ending up being totally changed. As you draw closer to God, His beauty & love just radiates out of you." As crazy as it sounds, sometimes I don't really see how I've changed. I mean, I KNOW that I have...but I just don't see it how others do, & to hear someone that I respect greatly say it was just massively encouraging.

So I'm on the right track. I'm working out now how I will be able to go to school for counseling (specifically, victims of sex crimes, such as trafficking). God has been so faithful to show me the way, & answer whatever questions I may have. I never in a million years expected to hear from Him so clearly, even in the smallest details. This morning's worship time was hugely significant as well. Jim & Nicky (the couple that John lives with) sometimes come to our worship times, & Nicky felt really strongly today that we should just pray & intercede for the people that we will be impacting when we leave this school. Most of us prayed out for people or places or churches we will be going back to...I prayed for the people that are right now victims of sex slavery. Even just praying it out loud had me on my knees in tears. I felt in that moment God's heart for these people, & I resolved in my heart that no matter how hard or scary it's going to be to actually do this, to go through all the schooling, to see people who have been through such unimaginable trauma, it will be totally worth it & God will give me the strength. Kate & Tom came over to pray for me, & Kate had a verse (Hebrews 11:1) & a word for me that God wants to show me things & give me words of knowledge, & He wants me to be a prayer warrior & intercede on behalf of the people He shows me. She also said that He has given me faith to do what I need to do, & He wants to increase that as well. Tom prayed for me that I will have the strength to do what God is calling me to do, & that I will be surrounded with great authority figures, people that can cover me when the burden gets too heavy to bear on my own. Nicky had a word for me that God will equip me for what I need to do, & Jim had a word for me that God will be a constant light to my path, that He will show the way & that the light will not go out.

Needless to say, all of this is completely exciting, but completely overwhelming. I could use your prayers more than ever in this next season as I start out to do what I believe God saved my life to do. Pray that I will find a place to live here in Kenosha once school ends, & that I will have the money to live where I'm supposed to live. Pray that I will find a job quickly, & that God will open or close doors on the potential jobs before me already. Pray that I will be able to find out what kind of schooling I need in order to see this vision through, & that God will show me which school is best. Most importantly, pray that I will have an even deeper, more intimate relationship with Him than I do now, & that I will continually be close enough to Him to hear His voice, especially once school has ended & "normal life" starts back up again. I can't accomplish any of this in my own strength, & closeness with Him is the only way I will be able to make it. Serita had a word for me not long ago about me being so close to God that I can hear His very heart. I'm getting closer, but I need to be even closer than I am now. It's SO important.

I love you all very much, & I'm indescribably thankful for all the prayers you have offered up already on my behalf. I am definitely seeing fruit in it. God is so faithful.

Only 46 days until my graduation. I can't believe it.

My Birthday!!

Ahhhh it has been such a good day! I got to school to find my desk looking like this:

Apparently people at school know about my addiction...hahaha. This isn't even all of it, there were six 12-packs of soda total, a six pack of 20oz bottles, & some other random cans. I think in the end we added it up to like 74 cans & 9 bottles of soda. I'm set for life! Haha! Kate brought me my favorite breakfast sandwich from Daily Dose, Sam & Clyvie gave me some Swiss chocolate, & Becky gave me some English chocolate. Kimmy & John wrote me really nice cards, & everyone just really made me feel loved. Gary taught our Bible Review class on James, which is my favorite book. And instead of bands practicing for worship teams the last hour of school, we all sat outside in the sun & just chatted. It was such a great day!

Tonight Kate's mom is making me chicken enchiladas, & then her homegroup is coming over for a bonfire so I think I'll hang around for that. I've just been so blessed today by all the text messages, calls, facebook posts, & friends at school. I feel so loved!

I Suck At Updating.

Sooo, not much is going on outside the usual business, but I have a bit of free time & figured maybe I should update. Let's see...school is going well, but it seems like we've been getting alot more homework recently. Kal gave us an assignment where we have to write all our future plans for after school ends...I actually HAVE plans, but it was still a little overwhelming to write that paper. Drumming is going goooood, I finally got some quality headphones that I can use to play to a metronome, & my playing has improved a TON in just a short time. Now I just need to learn some cool fills & I'll be all set. At practice last week for the sunday worship team Karen asked if I would be interested in playing drums for worship at the joint meeting the weekend of graduation, so hopefully that works out! It would be kind of scary to play in front of so many people, & ESPECIALLY people like Nick & Lori, but it's about worship, not ability, right?

My Birthday is tomorrow! That's pretty much the highlight of my week. No, I lied...I get to go home for spring break on thursday, THAT will be the highlight. Haha. I can't wait to see everyone. And I'm DEFINITELY needing a break...I can't even explain WHY I'm so busy lately, I just...AM. But I will try to post more after the break is over & I've had some time to rest & collect my thoughts. Haha.