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Wow I can't believe I didn't blog at all last week. Things have been crazy. Let me see if I can catch you up...

The last week of school feels like so long ago. Teresa read an entire book to us in three days..."The Final Quest" by Rick Joyner. Wow. Look it up on Amazon, you can read the first chapter or so. It's amazing. It teaches you alot about humility, which I have a feeling I'll be learning alot more of in the new year...considering we'll be going through a book by the same name. I had lunch with Teresa last tuesday, & it was nice to have some one-on-one time talking to her. There's been alot going on with me on a more personal level, & Teresa was a big encouragement because she doesn't mince words but she definitely sees all sides. I felt really at peace after our conversation.

Let's see, what else has happened...wednesday my team led worship, which went well. We have midterms when I get back from break, & I'm pretty nervous for the music ones. We had a songwriting quiz two weeks ago that I didn't do so great on, but I hear I'm not the only one. It's just really hard trying to learn all that musical stuff when I don't have an instrument I can apply it to. I'm trying not to get discouraged by it, but sometimes I feel like I'll NEVER get it.

Thursday the whole school went & sang Christmas carols at a nursing home, & then we had a Christmas party at Gloria's house so it wasn't a REAL school day. Haha. But it was SO nice to just have a day to relax...especially since I left that night.

I hate getting behind on blogging because I feel like so much changes in my life from week to week...I had great conversation time this past week with everyone before I left; Bethany, Serita, Kate, Kimmy, Teresa...no wonder I didn't have time to write...

Anyway, it has been wonderful to be home. Definitely a much-needed break. We spent this weekend at my grandparents' house & I got to see my awesome cousin & the rest of the family that I've missed since I've been away at school, so it's been really great to catch up. I'm home with my parents till Christmas day, then we're off to Dallas to see my sister's show! Things will get kind of busy round then so I don't know if I'll blog again...I get back to school on January 3rd, so I'm sure there will be a post on the 4th! Haha.

For those of you that I don't see/talk to before then, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, & all that.

Community.

Today I visited Racine. Scott was teaching, & he spoke about Community, which he also did a teaching on in Pleasant Prairie a few weeks ago. At first I was bummed that I had already heard it, but I still managed to take 2 pages of notes on things I hadn't heard the first time through. I may have linked this before, & I know I've talked to at least one person about this teaching, but either way, if you have time, listen to it. It's so good...click here. I love the Racine church. The focus of worship was the joy of the Lord, & it was much needed after a long, discouraging week. I definitely did not end up there on accident--even though the original intent for going was to take 2 other people from the school with me, they didn't end up going so I almost didn't. But I was supposed to be there. It was so good.

CBC has been good. Tonight is the last performance, & I can't say that I'm sorry. I have to admit the performances have been fun though, & it's been really anointed. There have been no mistakes or issues, & people seem to be responding well to the Gospel message, which is the whole intent anyway. So even though I hated going to all the rehearsals, if even one person gets saved then it's totally worth it. It was cool to see John & Korey there the last couple of nights too, it was nice chatting with them.

I feel like I'm finally getting to know some more people in the church that aren't on the school, too, which is nice. I went to lunch with Rebecca yesterday & we ended up sitting in Panera for like 2 hours just talking about what God's been doing in our lives. Lately it seems like there's major change from one week to the next, which is awesome, but also very trying. It's good to talk to someone who knows the feeling. And while we were chatting Hanna & Lisa came in so we sat with them & got to talk with them for a bit as well. It was just a really good day.

I'll be home in 4 days! I can't believe it, where is the time going? I'm so excited to see everyone!

Six Degrees.

It is 6° outside. Yes. With the wind chill this morning it was -12°. I think I may actually die here.

We met at Teresa's house for Prophetic Worship this morning, & discussed submission & authority. Hefty topics. I don't think I have a major problem submitting to authority, but there are certain situations where I submit but I still have a bad attitude. Like when I worked at OG for 3 years & KNEW how to do my job backwards & forwards & in my sleep, but a new manager would come in & make me do it differently, even though MY way was tried & true. I would submit, but it was out of fear of losing my job rather than submission because God tells us to. It's..."easier," for lack of a better word, for me to submit to spiritual authority, but my natural instinct is always to disagree. Usually God spends a few days working on me & helps me to see what they see, & in the end I do what I'm told...not necessarily HAPPILY, but I understand a little better. I think God is going to test me in this really soon, & I'm a little nervous...but I remember what I've already come through & how much I've changed & grown for the better because of the authority God has placed in my life, & I know that if my submission IS put to the test I'll be able to pass. We'll see what happens I suppose. But I have faith.

I went to coffee with Hanna after school today. She is so amazing. We really need to hang out more. I think alot of people write off the "marrieds" when we all hang out & stuff, but every time Hanna & I DO get together we have great conversation & alot of fun.

Tonight is the final dress rehearsal for CBC...then performances all weekend. Things are gonna get a bit crazy. But we don't have school tomorrow, & I go home for break a week from today. Oy...there's so much to do before then...I have no clue how I'm going to get it all done. Haha. It doesn't feel like Christmas yet, it feels like it should be October or something. Time is going by SO quickly, it's ridiculous.

Discouraged...

Worship this morning went well, I thought...I kind of ended up being elected to "lead" the time, & it was really great to see people stepping out & bringing words to one another. We prayed over a few specific people, but overall I felt like the time was really significant.

Exploring Worship ended up being kind of...heavy. Kal kind of went on a tangent about how he feels like there are people keeping secrets & trying to "get away" with things, per se, that we aren't being vulnerable enough by trying to hide things. I always get confused when he says these sorts of things...I never know what I should apply to myself. I've been told in the past that I'm TOO open, & I talk TOO MUCH...so the whole thing left me kind of confused because vulnerability has never been an issue for me. I guess I've just been kind of discouraged lately...I've been feeling like there has been alot of growth in my life since I've been here, & I can tell God is working in my every day, so to have any of that called into question in my own mind is...well, unnerving.

Keyboarding & Worship Teams went fairly well today...no complaints there. I had another chat with Kim over lunch, & she is so encouraging. She could probably give you the worst news of your life & still make you feel good about yourself in the same breath. If Serita weren't my discipler I would definitely want Kimmy to be. Speaking of Serita, we are supposed to meet on sunday & I'm way excited about it.

The high tomorrow is like 6 degrees. I'm kind of hoping we won't have school. That would give us tomorrow AND friday off. And I just realized that I leave for home a week from tomorrow. Where is the time going?

In Christ Alone.

I fail at blogging.

It's been a crazy few days...it's been snowing since yesterday, & I'm praying for a snow day tomorrow. CBC is going to take up most of my time this week, so I doubt I'll be writing much...we do have friday off of school though because it's going to be such a hectic week, so that will be nice. And one week from thursday I'll be going home!

I'm learning some new things about myself. Yesterday I had a talk with Kal after school about some stuff that's going on, & I left feeling really discouraged. We didn't have to be at school till ten this morning, so I met Kim for coffee & breakfast before class started to tell her what was going on & how I was feeling & get her opinion on things. I love Kim. She is so encouraging, but she's also very honest which I appreciate. I felt alot more peace after talking with her about things, but I still feel a little unsettled. I've decided that I have a hard time when I think people are mad at me. Even if their intentions are good, or even if they're not really mad at ME. I remember days where I had to call into work because I was really sick, & just feeling so terrible for the rest of the day when my boss would get frustrated. I knew my boss wasn't upset because I was sick, but because she was frustrated that she would have to fill my spot; but I would STILL beat myself up over it, even though it was out of my control. I hate not making other people happy, but it isn't because I necessarily care what they think of me...I don't ever want to be the source of anyone's frustration or hurt or anger or resentment or whatever. I know that's unrealistic because I am human & I will make mistakes. I've spent the last two days praying that God will help me to overcome this, because all that matters at the end of the day is what God thinks of me. And He tells me what He thinks of me all the time, in words from other people, in my quiet times or worship times...I know I have changed alot for the better, & I know I will continue to do so. Ultimately, this boils down to fear of man, in a sense. I have nothing to fear though, because my hope is in God alone, & there is nothing that any human can say or do to take that from me. I completely trust in Him to provide for me & protect me & be my strength & direct my path. I resolved before I even came here to live in the present. It would be so easy to get caught up in hurts from the past, or in hopes for the future. But I'm here NOW, & God wants me to focus on TODAY. So tomorrow will be a new day, & I will not worry anymore about this. Because I know I have a bad habit of making mountains out of mole hills...but that is the enemy trying to distract me with things I've already overcome. I just have to remember that I've already overcome, & continue to trust & have faith.

Wow, that probably doesn't make any sense to anyone. I guess it was more of a pep talk than anything...but I feel better.

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
‘Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
‘til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand

I will stand, I will stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground
Is sinking sand

So I'll stand!

Contained.

Today in Prophetic Worship we had Paul in to speak & pray over each of us. Paul is a prophet from the Taunton church, & he's been here for about a month to pray & prophesy. He shared his testimony & then we spent some time praying. He went round the room praying for each one of us, & when he got to me he had a word for me. It definitely hit home & gave me alot to think about. One of the points he made during his teaching was that prophetic people need to remain within the body of the church to be effective in their gifting. I found that especially interesting...& kind of obvious, actually, but it was good.

Music Theory & Ear Training are getting harder...I seriously hope I don't lose my mind. And I'm not even kidding.

Since yesterday sucked so much in the drumming department, today was much better. We arranged Lead Me To The Cross, & it actually sounded good so I decided to upload it to YouTube...if you're interested...

Ugh.

Leading worship was a train wreck this morning...well, as far as my drumming went anyway. Ugh. That's all that needs to be said about that.

School was pretty normal...Bible Review, Keyboarding...same old same old...

Homegroup was good, we ended up chatting for the first half & then discussed Gary's teaching from last week. By the way, I don't know if I've ever posted this link, but if anyone is interested in hearing any of the teachings from my church you can go here.

Sorry this is so short...wednesdays are pretty draining.