Financial Advice.

Worship has been really great lately. I don't know if it's my attitude that is changing or if God's just been speaking to me more, but every morning after worship time I just feel so refreshed. I'm already thinking of ways I can keep that in my daily routine even after I'm out of school.

Larry came in to speak for Stewardship In Life today about finances. Considering it's something people never really talk about, it was really interesting. It also made me realize how lucky I am that my parents have raised me to appreciate money I've earned & drilled it into my brain that I should do everything possible to avoid getting into debt. Really it seems that that's where everything goes wrong. It was interesting to hear about real estate & mortgages & stuff as well, considering I've never really understood that stuff, & considering that I hope I'm not living in an apartment in 10 years. Larry is a really great teacher too...I didn't think I'd really be too interested in hearing about finances, but he actually broke it down really well & I enjoyed it.

Bible Review with Tim was good. I'm finding it hard to be too interested in Leviticus & Numbers, but it IS interesting to see how the Old Testament & the New Testament tie together in so many places. It makes me think again how grateful I am that we don't have to do animal sacrifices. I'm pretty sure I'd rather give myself...as much as it hurts sometimes. Wouldn't really be too excited about killing lambs like twice a day. Just sayin.

It's been a pretty uneventful day. No drum lesson, so I went to lunch at Culver's with Kate & Becky. Where I learned that Kate can summarize my time here in 5 minutes. Haha. I love her.

Going to Filip & Hanna's tonight for a bit. Should be good.

Still cold & rainy out. Getting tired of seeing gray.

Short Update...

I'm exhausted so I hope all this makes sense.

Yesterday was...pretty uneventful. Wednesdays usually are, & it was especially so since there was no homegroup.

Prophetic Worship was today...first class yet I've made it through with no tears! Haha, yay for me! It was nice to be the encourager today, instead of the one in a heap on the floor. Teresa had us memorize Psalm 23 & then just worship with it. It's really cool when you know a passage well enough that you can just speak it or sing it out in a worship time. So amazing. I've been thinking alot lately about Trefor's prophecy for me about having a secret place to retreat to anytime. I'm praying that God reveals that place to me soon.

Ear Training is going better than I expected...Theory is still hard, but somehow we managed to distract Kal enough at the beginning of class that most of the hour was taken up by him talking about the time he shot a pigeon with a bow & arrow, & other adventures in killing small animals.

After school I had dinner with Kimmy at Panera. This is the first time we've really gotten to hang out outside of school, & it was so great. She has such joy & such passion, it's contagious. We had great conversation about how God's been working in both of us & in the school as a whole. So wonderful!

Tonight was a prayer meeting for the Pleasant Prairie congregation. I was driving there, ended up getting totally lost, but ended up actually getting to have a long conversation with my old roommate about what God has been speaking to me here...she believes in God, I think, but she's not born again. She's really been on my heart lately, so I know her calling me tonight was not on accident. I was able to share a bit of the Gospel with her, & she seemed totally receptive. She said she wants to talk again in a few days, & I'm praying that I will get a word for her before that so I will have something more to share with her. She is one of my best friends, & I would love more than anything to see her get saved, & to play a part in that. She's such an incredible, strong woman...I can only imagine how much more amazing she would be walking with Him! Pray for her, & for me, that I will know what to say, & that I will receive a word for her. This was definitely the highlight of my day, & SUCH a huge breakthrough! I ended up missing the prayer meeting, but I spent about an hour & a half in the Word & in prayer for her at home, so I hope that counts.

Thank God tomorrow is friday! I am wiped. It's been a crazy week.

Sacrifice Of Praise.

Today worship was great. I didn't really think it was going to be. But Gary brought a word about how God is the Great I AM, & what does that actually mean to us? It's amazing how much He does for us, everything He is to us...& we don't even deserve it. We don't deserve to be allowed to come into His presence when we are constantly messing up & disobeying & disappointing Him. But lucky for us, He doesn't limit the amount of times we can come to Him! He doesn't say, "Well you only get 3 chances & after that you're done, so don't screw it up." We can barely even comprehend how awesome that actually is! We are so insignificant & He is SO MUCH!

Exploring Worship was great today. We had a discussion about what the term "sacrifice of praise" means. In the Old Testament they had to make animal sacrifices daily...what is our sacrifice? Are we foolish enough to think we got off easy & that it isn't required of us? God asks us to offer up our very bodies as living sacrifices to Him. That means putting praising Him as a priority over anything else we would rather be doing. That means if we are busy doing something else & He tells us to drop everything & spend time with Him, we heed His voice & obey QUICKLY. That means not focusing on OUR feelings, & instead focusing on HIM. It's not a sacrifice if it doesn't cost you something, so we should enter into His presence & lay down everything we have without expecting anything in return. So often we go into worship time with expectations about what WE can get out of it, but it isn't about us, it's about God. If we abandon all expectations, we really allow ourselves to hear His voice & allow Him to work in us. And when things get hard in our walk with Him, we can take comfort in knowing that it's SUPPOSED to be hard! How else is He going to grow us if He doesn't test us?

Teresa worked with us today on our choir parts for CBC. Since I can sing both soprano & alto (neither well, but I do have the range), I always get stuck as a soprano. So I was sufficiently light-headed by the time we got to lunch...LUNCH! OMG lunch was great. Green chile chicken enchiladas! I haven't had good enchiladas in sooo long...I was in heaven. Seriously. There was only one helping of leftovers so I claimed it for tomorrow. Put my name on it & everything. Really, you have no idea how amazingly exciting this was for me. Haha.

Songwriting class is great. I can't wait till next semester when John Cooper comes in to teach.

No worship teams again today, sadly. There was an electrician in our rehearsal space fixing a blown fuse. But it was kind of nice to get out early.

Choir...Ugh.

This weekend was nice. Slow, boring, & uneventful. It involved lots of Bible reading, & many episodes of Psych. Haha. Scott did part 2 of Suffering on sunday, & it was just what I needed to hear. I need to remind myself that even though what I'm going through hurts, it is not bigger than God, & He has His hand over every situation. This has not taken Him by surprise, & all I can do is trust, & be thankful for the revelation He HAS given me.

Today Trefor taught New Testament Church Structure about the importance of sharing the Gospel & reflecting on it daily. He showed us a video of a guy who's an atheist talking about being witnessed to, & he said, "I just have to think...if you believe, with all your heart, that there is a Heaven & Hell...& that people might actually be going to Hell...how much do you have to hate someone NOT to share your belief with them?" This is a guy who doesn't even believe there is a God, & he can appreciate someone sharing their beliefs with him. I never really thought about it, but we SHOULD be reflecting on the Gospel daily. It isn't just something we hear when we get saved & never think of again. It is the KEY to everything! He recommended the book "A Gospel Primer" by Milton Vincent...I may have to look into that.

Afternoon classes were Theory & Ear...they weren't actually so bad. Kal decided instead of having Worship Teams today we were going to just go to Dairy Queen & get ice cream instead. Kimmy & John got into an ice cream fight, which later led to her being doused with water by Sam...craziness ensued. Haha.

SO, to get to the title of this blog...LLCC does a Christmas service every year called Carols by Candlelight, which involves (can you guess?) A CHOIR! All SOW students are required to participate. I am not a singer. I do not like choir. I didn't even like doing it when I had to in middle school at Bethel, I only did it because Shannon did. And if there is one thing I dislike more than choir it is Christmas songs in October. So, needless to say, I am not really looking forward to this at all, & I need to get over it & change my attitude. But I can't do it, I'm going to have to ask God to do it. Because I really am not looking forward to it. But at least all the SOW students are in the same boat, & Heidi & Lisa & a few other people I know are doing it too, so at least the company will be good.

Oy...this is a late-night blog. (<--Who'd have thought I'd refer to 10:30 as "late night"?!) I'm caught up on homework now, so I think I'm ready for bed.

HURTING.

I knew this was going to come. I've been dreading it since I first heard Tracey's prophecy (see previous blog). I knew what that thing that I had to give up was, & I tried so hard to hold onto it...but God knew better. During Prophetic Worship today Teresa shared about how she has had 7 miscarriages, & how she knew the power of God through each one. Even before she was married she had people prophesy that the enemy would attack her womb & make it hard for her to have children. But even though she only has 2 children out of 9 pregnancies, she sees the work of God through it. She sees how He has used those tragedies to His Glory, & she is JOYFUL. I want her joy. I have tasted it, but I don't fully understand it. Even last night, I was filled with dread because I knew what God was going to ask of me today. I couldn't sleep. And then I had a nightmare about what would happen if I finally did work up the courage to let go. Teresa & I talked on tuesday & she knew the situation. When we began to pray during class, Lydia & I prayed out similar things, & it turns out we both had to let go of something similar. Kal took the guys out of the room, & Teresa & the other girls laid hands on Lydia & I & prayed over us. Bethany had a song for us about how receiving God's mercy requires nothing from us, that He sacrificed it all for us. Teresa had a picture of a fist, & that the fist was holding so tightly that it physically couldn't let go on its own, but once it did there was understanding. I felt peace after they finished praying...but after lunch God said, "Do it now. Let go." So I found a place by myself...& I let go. And I don't feel better. And I hate it. And I wonder if I'm crazy. And I HURT. I just can't see how God is going to use this for His Glory. I know he heals the brokenhearted...why can't I feel it? Why don't I feel healed?

Afternoon classes were canceled, & the girls went to Kimmy's house to pray. The girls all prayed over me & assured me that acting out of obedience isn't always easy...but it's right. I suppose I know this. But I wonder how long I'll have to hurt. I wonder how long it will take to find healing in Him. While the girls were praying I got a word for someone. If that person reads this...KNOW that that is the most significant, personal word I have ever had for someone, & that it should not be taken lightly.

I need your prayers more than ever right now. God has shown me what to do, & He has been gracious in showing His blessings for me...but right now I just feel broken.

Prayer.

This morning instead of typical worship time Kal had us all just pray together. We literally spent an hour in prayer, it was amazing. God brought such revelation on all that we have to be thankful for. Exploring Worship was good...every day is just so much to absorb...I honestly never knew that there really is a specific way God wants us to praise Him, & that it really has absolutely nothing to do with us. It's our responsibility to prepare our hearts for worship every day & praise Him without reservation or question. It isn't conditional on when we need help or want something from Him either...would YOU want to be loved like that?

Bible Review with Gary was awesome today as well. We've been reading Acts still, & he asked us what each of us really got out of it. For me, it's incredible how many times it says that all the believers were of one heart & mind, & that they shared everything. It's such an amazing picture of how Christ intended His church to be. I couldn't stop thinking of the new song from Flyleaf, "Beautiful Bride." THAT'S how it's supposed to look! After we each shared our revelations we spent more time in prayer, asking God to make us bold in the Gospel the way Paul & Peter were. So many times we think we need to baby people when we're sharing the Gospel with them, like we don't want to hurt their feelings or make them mad. Did Paul & Peter care what people thought? HOW many times were they thrown in jail? Haha. During prayer time God just kept telling me, "KTF, KTF, KTF," over & over & over. I think I'm supposed to use Mr. Geissler's example in some way...I'll have to spend a bit more time praying for clarity about how...but it should be interesting.

Keyboarding was...okay. On one hand I'm completely bored in that class because I've learned this stuff already, but I'm SO out of practice that it's still a bit of a challenge. A good balance I suppose. My team actually LED worship this afternoon...that was a bit scary. I think I did okay though...it's just hard to focus on the music as well as being in a completely abandoned state of worship. But I'm sure it will come over time. I feel like I did pretty well for my first time on stage with a band, actually in front of people. It felt good anyway. The improv was kind of hard, but the more confident I got the better I sounded, I think. It was great.

Homegroup tonight...we're listening to JL's teaching on the Shield of Faith. After hearing the teaching on the Sword of the Spirit I'm pretty excited for this one. Should be good.

Prophecies.

Not too much to report today, except that worship teams rocked. I nailed the song we were working on & it sounded great.

ALSO, I got the CD of the prophetic words over me! I will share some of them here...

Gary -

"You have come into this year with preconceived notions of what it's going to be all about. Oh, if you could only see now what I am going to do with you. Oh, if you could only see the plans I have for you. Oh, if only you could imagine...because I am the God who can do immeasurably more than all you have asked of this year already, & all that you've imagined it to be. I am going to blow your mind," says the Lord. "You would not believe, even if I told you myself," says the Lord, "you would not believe right now what I am going to do in you, & what I will do through you. So be free...because I am going to break down the walls if you don't...of the box that you've confined me in...of the way you see yourself...of the way you understand your ability & giftings. I say get ready. I say GET READY. I will blow your mind," says the Lord.

Tracey -

Everyone stares at her. She feels judged. She's sick to her stomach, & in her hand she holds the most precious thing she has. And she holds it tight & she looks to her Lord & she meets His eyes. And she goes to Him, past all the staring eyes, & she goes to His feet...& she offers to Him the most precious of what she has. And she breaks it, & she opens it, & she pours it all over Him. She gives it ALL. And that fragrance fills the room...& it makes no sense to the judging critical eyes. But the Lord knows & He understands what was done, & He says, "Her name will go on & on...this story will continue to be told, & still to this day we continue to tell the story. This is you. This is you & you are beautiful, & what you bring me is beautiful. And it is so purposeful, that perfume anointed me for my very death. You do not know how precious that gift is to me. Such a valuable love...though you have not seen me, you love me still." You are weeping...weeping over His feet. This is who you are. It fills the room. Such depth of feeling & emotion...so deep...so compassionate, so sensitive...

Gloria -

God was just telling me about strength that came through in your life through this accident...it was one moment in time & people have tried to define your whole life through such a major traumatic thing that most people don't experience but my eyes were so much on your future, they were so much on the next strength...& there's more strength...it's been a thing that God has used to strengthen you your whole life & free you from other things that other people didn't have to struggle with 'cause He worked through it...but there's more strength. That was part of your life, it's not your whole life. It doesn't define everything about who you're going to become & yet to be but God has so much more for you & so much more beyond what you can see & I just feel like there was encouragement from the Lord that he knows your desires & in Proverbs 13:12 it says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." And I just really believe that he's going to fulfill the secret desires of your heart & there will be a tree of life ever-growing, ever-increasing, ever-fruitful...& leaves & flourishing just beautiful lots of shade lots of life with this tree & trees get sick sometimes but yours isn't going to be that way. Your life is going to be growing from strength to strength, ever increasing strength to strength in the name of Jesus.

These are just a few that really stand out to me. The actual audio is 15 minutes. I love it.

Time for Ear Training homework.