Drum Lesson!

School today was pretty uneventful...Exploration of Worship was good, Kal is a freak & it's awesome. JL taught V&C again, today we discussed prophets. Incredibly interesting, I loved how he made the point that with prophets, they were the ones who did the speaking, but God is the one who did the miracles. So cool.

We ended round noon today & then Kelly & I had our drum lessons at a private studio down by the lake. I've been playing a bit at home, but man I'm rusty! Haha. We mostly just discussed our musical backgrounds & what we will be learning this year, & then did a few warm-ups. Nothing too fancy, but it made me realize how weak my left hand is. Gotta work on that this week...need to catch up to Kelly! Ha, she has an advantage because SHE got lessons from Jen's brother Dave. Cheater. ;o)

We should FINALLY get to start worship teams on Tuesday. About freaking time! Third week in! Haha. Along that same vein, can I just say that it is absolutely awesome to start every morning with 45 minutes of worship? I mean, wow. It doesn't matter how tired or annoyed I am that I woke up at 6:30 instead of 6:00 (don't leave your phone at home!), it is so amazing to just get completely lost in awesome, heart-felt worship at the start of the day. And I always find that I'm not sleepy anymore afterwards, & it's so much easier to focus! I've started keeping a notebook with me during morning worship because it is so easy to get caught up in a verse of a song, or something God is speaking to me, or a particular word someone sings out in the moment, but go throughout the day & forget it for later. So I just jot down my thoughts at the time to look back on later & see just what God was revealing to me in that time, & to be able to really take hold of that feeling & apply it to my life. I wrote yesterday about feelings...I had to fight hard to overcome my emotions this morning & just praise God. I had other things on my mind & wasn't in the mood to be praising God, but I remembered what Kal said yesterday & just made up my mind to do it anyway. I didn't get any super amazing revelation or anything, but I certainly felt more at peace after I pushed my emotions off a cliff & focused on Him. This is definitely going to be a day-to-day struggle for me for a little while, but I'm confident I can overcome it.

Weekend is here...off to do some Bible reading so I can stay ahead!

Praise.

Started our Exploration of Worship class today. We're reading through a book called "Exploring Worship" (how appropriate) by Bob Sorge. I'd definitely recommend it. Kal teaches this class, & just 5 pages into the book I'm already loving it. I never thought of "praise" & "worship" as two different things before. Usually the two are confused as one, but they're SO different! So many times I go to church & think, "Oh, well I don't feel like praising God today." But the thing is, PRAISE IS NOT CONTINGENT ON OUR FEELINGS! We can praise God even when we don't feel like it, because it's a one-way street! We are MEANT to praise Him, even if we aren't feeling like it or hearing anything from Him at that moment in time. Praise is about who God is & what He has done. It has nothing to do with us! Basically, praise is a decision. We decide to do it & whether we want to or not, it's something that should be done daily. What a wake-up call to realize that how I feel or the current state of my emotions DOESN'T MATTER. The thing is, we always feel like hypocrites when we praise God when we aren't feeling it because Satan tells us it is so. But wouldn't it make sense that he wouldn't want us to praise God, so he plants these things in our minds? This might not be a revelation to anyone but me, but it's nice to know that I'm not the only emotional basketcase that thought you have to be jumping off the walls shouting about God's grace every sunday morning for praise to be sincere.

And speaking of emotions...Kal made a solid point when saying that praise has nothing to do with our feelings. We're a group of musicians. Emotions tend to run a bit higher with us than normal people. But JL made a great illustration of what emotions should be, which Kal shared with us today, "Emotions are great to have in the backseat of the car, along for the ride, but they should never be driving." I can definitely say I've been letting my emotions drive me for the last...oh...7 years? That I can recall, anyway, I've always been a pretty emotional person. I'm definitely going to be keeping that in check from now on...especially when it comes to praising God every morning during worship. After all, God is always the same; my emotions are not.

After Exploration of Worship we had more V&C with JL concerning present-day apostles & the building of a church. It was definitely interesting. It's quite different than any church I've been to, but I don't think either way is wrong. Some more effective than others maybe, but hey. I could talk for three more paragraphs on this subject but it would just be a bunch of theology & I'm sure I wouldn't explain it the right way & end up talking myself into a circle. We had that class split into two parts, & then concluded round 2:00, which was nice. I came home & took a nap, & now I've just woken up to write this to all you lovely people who read my blog. Haha.

Tomorrow class ends at noon & I have my first drum lesson at 1:30. So excited! I'm glad we haven't ended up starting worship teams yet...it will be good to get a lesson first & work out some of the kinks.

...And The Music Begins.

Today was pretty laid back, as far as school goes. In the morning we did an intro to our Bible class with Tim & Gary. It's going to be a good class, they're both incredibly knowledgeable in the Word.

After that Kal decided to take us to a jazz concert at UW Parkside. I went to jazz concerts all through high school & would have said I really enjoyed jazz music, but after today I realized I never actually liked the music. It was the people I loved that made it enjoyable. Which is kind of irrelevant... Anyway... After the concert we went to the park nearby & had lunch & just relaxed for awhile. Kal laid out the schedule for us for tomorrow & friday, & it looks like we will be starting worship teams tomorrow (FINALLY!), so I'm pretty excited about that. Even though musically I don't think I'm ready at ALL...I start my private lessons at the drum studio on friday, which I am also super excited/nervous about. I'm ready to start getting one-on-one time for sure.

We split off into our Music Theory & Ear Training classes once we got back to school. I'm in Theory/Ear I, but it's still going to kick my butt. I have absolutely ZERO musical background. Even when I played keyboards I didn't read sheet music. I can read drum music, but that doesn't really help me here... Kimmy is teaching Ear & Kal is teaching Theory, so I'm sure it will be fine, they're both great teachers...but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't freaked about these classes. What we will be learning at the end of 9 months is what a Senior in college receiving a bachelor's degree in music would be learning. That in addition to 3-4 hours of music homework at night=INTENSE.

Not much to report today...we didn't have V&C, so nothing super-insightful to speak of.

Prophecy.

I don't even know where to start.

Today we had more prayer in the afternoon. I was praying that I would get to be prayed over today, because I knew we weren't going to have time for everyone...& I've been looking forward to this day since the first meeting of staff & students at our house. They prayed over Dan, Katelyn, & John (& I had more words for John...so cool!), then we took a short break. During the break, a lady I hadn't met yet came over & introduced herself to me as Tracey. She said she was from the Racine church, & asked if I had been prayed over yet. I said no, & she said, "Good. You've been on my heart since the moment I walked into the room." I commented to Kate that I hoped I would be next because I wanted to hear what she had to say, & Kate said, "You're going next. I just know."

So we started up again with a bit of worship, & I had my eyes closed praying that Kate was right & when I opened them I saw Teresa looking right at me & all she said was, "Cara." So I went to the center of the room with all my fellow students & all the elders of the church & Kal & Teresa standing round. Teresa laid one hand on me & almost instantly began to cry. I was a little taken aback by it...nothing had even happened yet. But I closed my eyes & bowed my head & within moments I felt a hand on the top of my head & heard Gary say, "You have come into this year with preconceived ideas of what it would be like. But it will be even BETTER than you imagine. If you could just see what God has planned for you, it would blow your mind." I couldn't believe it, it was like he saw right into my heart, & I just burst into tears. For the next twenty minutes people came forward to pray & prophesy over me. I've been somewhat skeptical of prophecy in the past...I've never doubted it could be a real gift, but some words I had heard before just seemed so general...like they could apply to anyone. Not so today. Every word out of every person's mouth for me hit me like a dagger to the heart. How can these people who don't know me (some who had never met me before today) KNOW things that I have thought & struggled with on my own, things that NONE of them could have possibly known. The only explanation is God told them. Just when I thought that I had pulled myself together & would stop crying, someone ELSE would come forward with something that cut me to the core. Lisa, a girl who did the school a couple of years ago (who I talked to once for maybe 5 minutes) came forward in tears & read me the Psalm that my favorite worship song in the world was written from. I was absolutely amazed at all of the amazing things God showed me through these incredible people. Each word that everyone had for me was recorded, & I should get the audio of it soon, so when I do I will write about it in more detail & exact quotes.

Sorry this blog is so jumbled, but that's kind of how my emotions are right now. I can't wait to see what this year has for me.

Lordship.

Today JL did V&C on Lordship. He brought up the point that it's interesting how people say, "Oh I tried Christianity once, it didn't really work out for me"...more like, you became a Christian because you thought you could have Jesus as your servant to fix your problems? WE are to be HIS servants, He is to be the Lord of our lives. The Bible refers to Jesus as Lord over 7,000 times, whereas it refers to him as Savior only 30-some times. I think that paints a pretty clear picture. JL began talking about what we have to give up when we become Christians...how for him it was 2 good friends & a life of partying, but God blessed him with HUNDREDS of friends even closer than the 2 he had to give up to walk with Christ. It occurred to me then...I have been so worried about what God MIGHT make me give up...I never stopped to listen. He hasn't asked me to give up those things. Maybe He will at some point, but He hasn't yet. So why am I worrying? Because I'm good at worrying. But while we were talking about it in V&C God just kind of said, "What are you worried for? Have I asked you to give that up? If I brought it to you, why would I take it away with no explanation?" It seems like a silly thing, but it was a major revelation for me. So now my prayer is to be still, & be patient, & surrender everything to Him...if He asks me to give up those things I've been fearing, we'll cross that bridge when we get there. I felt much more peace about it after that.

I found out today that I won't be getting my private lessons with Lori. I'm not as disappointed about this as I thought I would be...a bit bummed, but I trust that God has it figured out, & I know that I'll learn alot from whoever I get lessons from. So I'm okay with that. And that's not even to say that I might not get to take one or two lessons from her still. Who knows. God's got it worked out how it's supposed to be, so I'm not going to bother myself with it.

After lunch the elders & some other church members came in to pray & prophesy over each of us. We only got through 7 out of 17 students today, so we will continue tomorrow. It's really awesome to hear the giftings that some of these people have. There is no doubt in my mind that they are real & sincere. I even got words for someone today! I thought to myself early on, "Wouldn't it be cool to be able to tell someone something that God is saying? I'd love to have some kind of word for at least one person." And then I didn't think of it again. But while Josh was being prayed over, I thought, "Wouldn't it be strange if someone said 1 Peter 2:11 ("Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.") when they were praying over me?" I know that verse by heart, but sometimes forget the reference. Today it came to me clearly, & I wondered if I was supposed to speak up. I wrestled with it for a minute & decided not to say anything, because my wimpy verse didn't seem to compare to the amazing revelations others had for him. But after I decided I wouldn't, I had an image in my mind...not so much clear words, like God clearly laid them out one by one, but suddenly it came to me. So I went forward & told Josh that that verse had been put on my heart, & that I wasn't going to say it, but felt God pushing me to speak up & tell him that God DOES care for him, & that he needs to cast all his anxiety on Him because even when Josh might not feel he's strong enough to bear the burden, God is there & he IS strong enough. It was short & sweet but I could see that it meant something.

What I said to Josh applies to me as well. I need to let go of my worry & anxiety...I think that is what God has been calling me to give up for years now. But for some reason I hold on. I want to let it go.

Pleasant Prairie.

Last night we had a bonfire at our house. It was fun...but late into the evening I just started feeling...strange. I felt really unsocial & just exhausted. I don't know what was wrong with me. In the middle of everything, all of those people...I just felt alone. We had prayer time over Josh right before everyone left, & everyone felt a heaviness, like the air had changed. I really wonder if it was the enemy trying to attack us. He can't be too happy that we've all come together here to praise God & come closer to Him. He wants to isolate us from each other & cause doubt in our minds. But not this time. We're going to stand together through all of this.

This morning I went to the church meeting (they call them meetings here instead of services, btw) at Pleasant Prairie. Let me back up...Gary (elder from LLCC Pleasant Prairie) & Ian (elder from LLCC Kenosha) have been fighting over which congregation I would be in. It went back & forth & back & forth, but it was looking like I'd end up in Kenosha. Then on friday Ian randomly announced at the end of class that I would be in Pleasant Prairie. I was slightly disappointed, just because I've been to the Kenosha church & loved it, & my friend Heidi (who isn't on the school) goes there. But I figured there must be a reason & decided to just ride it out. The PP congregation meets in a rec center, & the acoustics are bad in there, so I was incredibly distracted by all the kids there during worship. It was almost drowning out the music for me. I'm sure they weren't that loud, but between the echo-y room & my dislike of children to begin with, it just sounded like a bunch of noise. And I found myself thinking, "God why did you put me HERE? I'll never be able to worship like this!" But Gary did the teaching & I really enjoyed it, so I figured maybe it wouldn't be so bad, especially considering I'll be getting good, personal worship 5 other days out of the week at school.

After the meeting was over, one of the members invited everyone from SOW & some other people over for lunch. I met a bunch more new people whose names I probably won't remember until they tell me ten more times. John & Dan & I agreed that it's been a bit overwhelming trying to figure out who everyone is & remember them. Anyway, at one point Gary came & sat down near me & I said, "So you won the battle over where I would end up, hey?" He said, "Yeah, you know, funny thing is, we had decided you were going to Kenosha. And then that day in school when I prayed for you, afterwards I went to Ian & said, 'I'm sorry Ian, I know we decided she was going to Kenosha, but I have to have her at Pleasant Prairie.' I was actually to the point of trading other students to get you here, that's how strongly I felt about it. After I prayed over you I just felt that it was where God wanted you to be." Well, can't argue with God. I actually felt much better after hearing him say that. At least now I know there is a purpose for where I've ended up, it wasn't just a random switch, & this is where God placed me.

The rest of today has been uneventful...I think Kate & I are going to Common Grounds to do our daily Bible reading/application. Then early to bed for school tomorrow.

EDIT - Thanks to those that have been leaving comments! I love to know that you all are reading!

The Holy Spirit.

Okay this will probably be kind of controversial. Because I suck at explaining things. Today Ian did V&C, the chapter on the Holy Sprit. Let me start by saying that I was raised to believe in the Trinity & that you are filled with the Holy Spirit at the time you are born again. Let me be clear at the start that I still believe this to be true.

Having said that, here we go.

First Ian talked about the Trinity & highlighted several passages of Scripture where it clearly addresses the idea of the Father, Son & Holy Spirit all being the same "person." Even though the word Trinity is never used, it is very obviously implied. From there we got on to the big stuff. Ian explained through his own testimony that he believed basically what I stated above, but that he was challenged by one of his Christian friends to seek the Holy Spirit in the more personal way that it's described in the Bible. He talked about how he felt so insufficient when he would pray about how "awesome" or "great" or "amazing" God was, because we use all of those words on a daily basis to describe other things. Well, you can't really describe God accurately in the way of anything else...so for him personally, that is the purpose of speaking in tongues. He was very clear that Living Light does NOT believe that you must speak in tongues to be a born again Christian or even to be filled with the Holy Spirit, but that it is the most common of the spiritual gifts...which obviously poses the question, couldn't you just fake it? Sure! But that's between each individual & God. I've never heard it presented in quite that way & it made sense to me. There have been times where I've literally been at a loss for words in prayer.

I remember a couple of years ago at a Flyleaf concert I recommitted my life to God, & since then things in my life have definitely changed. I think from that point on God challenged me to seek Him in a deeper, more personal way than I have in the past. After Ian finished V&C we had a prayer session. I was sitting on the ground praying & was suddenly overcome by that same emotion that I felt at the Flyleaf concert. Shortly after I felt someone lean over me & place a hand on the top of my head & I recognized Gary's voice as he began praying for me. After his prayer, he said, "You're safe, Cara. God knows your fears & your doubts & your insecurities about what you have to give up this year. You can give it to Him in confidence. You're safe." I just burst into tears. It was like this huge weight off my chest to hear that. God has been challenging everyone in our class to let go of our lives & turn them completely to Him. It's hard & it's scary, but it's so worth it.

As if THAT wasn't emotional enough, we finished out student testimonies today. Wow. It's very clear that God has each of us here for a reason.

It's been an emotionally exhausting day, but I loved it. This doesn't even begin to describe it all...I feel God breaking me apart from the inside & rebuilding me with no fear.

TGIF.